feeling sorry for myself.
Fuck today, I cant be bothered to clean up the house, wash up, go shopping. When my boyfriend gets home the house will be a mess and there will be nothing for him to eat. I know he won't be mad, but I usually like him to have a nice meal after he's been working and commuting and stuff. I can't even remember the last time I took a shower. I don't even feel like washing. I feel like a lazy bum. Last night I woke up and started thinking about what a lazy faliure I am. Iris is right I am lazy. I know I'm depressed and its because I'm not taking my pills. And guess what I dont feel more creative or more like myself. I just feel horrible. Stupid pills, so there is no need to say I told you so. I might think about going back on my pills. I don't ever quit at anything. I quit this job. I keep telling myself that I did well even getting an internship, most of the girls in my year didn't. and living abroad? Wow what an achievment. But I cant feel that right now, all I feel is this massive faliure. Fashion is too tough for me, im too lazy. I'm really excited to start my year internship at www.mly.nl (if your interested) but I'm convinced that will go wrong too, emily won't like me either. And right now I have a really upset stomach, I feel sick and I haven't eaten today. I'm not depressed depressed, I just feel like this monotone white noise buzz in the back of my mind.
Replies
YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE, you just write what you have done being getting the internship and aaliving abroad, you should be proud of yourself, so what your a bit lazy like you said your boyfriend will be ok with it, ive seen the website and you know what they look a great fashion company, you will succeed, trust me, try to eat something, even if its something really small, maybe you do need to take the pills, remember the brain is a wonderful and highly developed thing and you have control of it, you need to tell yourself that you will succeed, you have a great chance now, you want to walk back into Sheffield and think \"YOU KNOW WHAT i\'VE DONE ELLY WELL\" i know you can win this battle, dont be down on yourself! you are a great person! xxx
jesus hun you really do need to realise how well you have done! when I was in second yr and I was like 22 I got a placement in New York which I really couldn\'t do cause I was ill and didn\'t go! I haven\'t even tried to do one since! you have done amazingly to be where you are, and yr not a failure whether you do it or not! Fashion is sooooo so hard! Ive been trying to do it for so long, and when yr a nice person it\'s very hard, anyway I\'m chatting shite! but please believe in yrself and if you need to chat about it feel free to talk to me about it! xxx
Dear Sleepy,
Depression is a disease that shows it symtims as a loss of hope. It is caused by a chemical imbalence in the brain. It can be corrected by taking a pill that causes the brains to produce the chemicals it needs to. Different pills work on different people differently so it might take a while to find one that makes your brain produce whatever it is not.
One of the most damaging symtims is the loss of will. Will to do anything. Even clean ones own body. Sleeplessness causes depression. Unresolved anger turn inwards causes depression. If depression runs in your family that can cause it as well.
You sound depressed to me. A healthy diet can help minamulize the problems, Rich in fruits and veggies. Lean protien also seems to help depression. Doing nothing exacerbates the problem. Do anything but don\'t surrender to it. Think of yourself as a battery, as much energy as you put out is as much as you get back. Excersize, any kind, helps tremendously. So go for a walk or a run or a skip. Let me know if I can help at all. Eric
OY!!!You sound like you need your antidepressants. This doesn\'t sound like your helping yourself. This sounds like your anger and hopelessness talking. Depression is anger turned inward. Please get yourself back to normal functioning before you end up in a vegetative state. You were doing so well and have a nice BF.Everything is so exaggerated when you feel depressed. Bring that light back in your life.
((HUGS)))
*hug*
i\'m sorry things are crappy right now. It sounds like taking the meds can only help though no? what could it hurt?
you are a beautiful, smart, sweet, and capable young lady. i hope that you see all the good in yourself again soon.
everyone needs to rest sometimes. and everyone needs to be down sometimes too. just try and be kind to yourself.