feeling sorry for myself.

Fuck today, I cant be bothered to clean up the house, wash up, go shopping. When my boyfriend gets home the house will be a mess and there will be nothing for him to eat. I know he won't be mad, but I usually like him to have a nice meal after he's been working and commuting and stuff. I can't even remember the last time I took a shower. I don't even feel like washing. I feel like a lazy bum. Last night I woke up and started thinking about what a lazy faliure I am. Iris is right I am lazy. I know I'm depressed and its because I'm not taking my pills. And guess what I dont feel more creative or more like myself. I just feel horrible. Stupid pills, so there is no need to say I told you so. I might think about going back on my pills. I don't ever quit at anything. I quit this job. I keep telling myself that I did well even getting an internship, most of the girls in my year didn't. and living abroad? Wow what an achievment. But I cant feel that right now, all I feel is this massive faliure. Fashion is too tough for me, im too lazy. I'm really excited to start my year internship at www.mly.nl (if your interested) but I'm convinced that will go wrong too, emily won't like me either. And right now I have a really upset stomach, I feel sick and I haven't eaten today. I'm not depressed depressed, I just feel like this monotone white noise buzz in the back of my mind.