Feeling somewhat guilty...
Today I feel a bit guilty. I made plans last night to go out tomorrow with my friends K and M to a spring fun fair that's going on this weekend. Which is good, except that I made the plans over a kinda plan to go to my neighbor's daughter's 2nd birthday party. B is an adorable little girl and LOVES my dog (and my nephew too! lol), but just thinking about attending her bday party is making my heart ache.
I haven't told my neighbor that I won't be there, and really I didn't tell her for sure I would be there, but still I feel guilty about making other plans. I've gotten reassurance from my best friends so I feel less guilty than I did before. My Mum had to turn it into an attempt to make fun of my neighbors yet again. She calls them 'white trash' because the mother is on disability and has a slight mental problem (in that she can't complete sentences, she's slower than average with learning and she seems to be completely scattered all the time, and it's not just her personality, it's like she can't connect thoughts at all) and the father is tattoo'd and though he keeps himself clean, he's got bad teeth. She totally judges people based on their looks, but is pissed when people do that to her.
Ok... typing that and thinking about it has made me realize something. I always knew my mother was a hypocrite, but I didn't realize just how bad she was with this. And now I fully understand why she doesn't like my MIL and has issue with my DH. She's judging them almost completely on how they look. She doesn't have issue with my FIL, because although he's a giant, he's a teddy bear and always looks professional (at least whenever she's seen him). She also has issue with my DH's biological father because again, he 'looks' like 'white trash' to her (even when he's dressed up he has a haggard 'I don't care' appearance). I mean DH and I have issues with his biological father (DH's stem from his bio father not being there for him all his life and suddenly reappearing now that DH and I are married, mine from being weirded out over his sudden interest in DH and his waaaay too high hopes for being part of our children's lives when we have children), but those are based on his actions and nothing else.
Wow, this journal got wordy again and veered off topic. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. I blame the therapy, lol!
I haven't told my neighbor that I won't be there, and really I didn't tell her for sure I would be there, but still I feel guilty about making other plans. I've gotten reassurance from my best friends so I feel less guilty than I did before. My Mum had to turn it into an attempt to make fun of my neighbors yet again. She calls them 'white trash' because the mother is on disability and has a slight mental problem (in that she can't complete sentences, she's slower than average with learning and she seems to be completely scattered all the time, and it's not just her personality, it's like she can't connect thoughts at all) and the father is tattoo'd and though he keeps himself clean, he's got bad teeth. She totally judges people based on their looks, but is pissed when people do that to her.
Ok... typing that and thinking about it has made me realize something. I always knew my mother was a hypocrite, but I didn't realize just how bad she was with this. And now I fully understand why she doesn't like my MIL and has issue with my DH. She's judging them almost completely on how they look. She doesn't have issue with my FIL, because although he's a giant, he's a teddy bear and always looks professional (at least whenever she's seen him). She also has issue with my DH's biological father because again, he 'looks' like 'white trash' to her (even when he's dressed up he has a haggard 'I don't care' appearance). I mean DH and I have issues with his biological father (DH's stem from his bio father not being there for him all his life and suddenly reappearing now that DH and I are married, mine from being weirded out over his sudden interest in DH and his waaaay too high hopes for being part of our children's lives when we have children), but those are based on his actions and nothing else.
Wow, this journal got wordy again and veered off topic. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. I blame the therapy, lol!
Replies
DH and I faced a similar situation last year, his nephew turned 1 but we didn\'t really want to go because the grandma on the other side is ALOT to handle, so we went a few days before the party, gave our nephew the gift and didn\'t bother with the party. So maybe if it would make you feel better, give the little girl a present on a different day, spend a little time with her and do your other plans. I don\'t think you should feel guilty at all.
And I TOTALLY get the judgemental mother thing, my mom is pretty judgemental, she\'s gotten more relaxed as she\'s gotten older, but I remember her being HORRIBLE when we were growing up. Ppl with tat\'s were trash, if you wore black or red you were a whore. I mean it was bad. It totally bugs me, cuz some of the best ppl I\'ve ever met were \"weird\" looking or dressed like skanks. I hope I haven\'t picked up too many of her bad traits.