feeling so numb to life.

just feeling so numb to life right now. it just really sucks. im so sick of you claiming that we are close friends and that you love me so much cuz if u really loved me this much as you say there wouldn't be so many restrictions on this so called friendship. i can tell that you do as little as possible just to get me to think we are friends, and you only want to talk to me just when ever u feel like it, like a control freak, u really act like one with me, like everything has to be on your terms. im so done! theres no point in talking to u anymore if this is what u want things to be like. and i can tell u dont have the guts to tell me that u dont want to be a real friend to me but u are hurting me more with not telling me the truth. 
and i wish i knew who i was, what i have, what is wrong with me inside!