Feeling Sad as a result of a tough day

I am glad to be enjoying myself at this time; I really don't like Summer. The reason is that I feel so alone. Beyond The Internet, I don't have a lot of friends. I have one friendship and it's over and is on borrowed time. I have a friend who is really a "Recreational Friend" meaning we hang out whenever he wants and only contacts me whenever he has a party at his place usually during Thanksgiving. He got pissed off when I didn't go a couple of times due to work and when I couldn't go. I helped him to pack his things when he was moving to a new place and has changed a lot. He doesn't email nor contact me as much. 

And when I was going through my babymama drama, he wouldn't let me mention my ex's name nor really listen to what I had went through. I wanted to so that I wanted to take away the power my ex had over me because she has sole custody of my daughter and to this day hasn't allowed me to be in her life. The other day, my sister was admonishing me for not putting up a financial trust fund for my daughter and I didn't make no excuses. I tried in the past and it failed miserably. I decided to not follow up and just focus on taking care of myself. My sister doesn't understand but that is a decision I have made because my daughter is a tween and I don't want her to go through the emotional stress of the bickering between her mother and I would have had. Right now, I need to take care of myself emotionally and mentally. My daughter isn't in my life at this time. 

My brother is doing okay but hasn't really reached out to me. I am going through a financial stress and haven't gone out much. He would prefer to help his friends out instead of me. When he was going through a rough time following the end of his marriage and having a rough time financially, I helped him out without question after my sister had told me what he was going through. Now I am in that situation and he hasn't reached out. Friends are friends, but Family is more important if they are supportive. 

Back to my friend, he has changed and spoken to him last week. He was in New Jersey with friends of his and told me that he would contact me next week and I was waiting for him to contact me and hasn't done so. I spent my Saturdays at home; It has been like that for the past 14 years. My sister thought that I would have to sacrifice my weekends to myself since I have a child who was a baby which I did. She thought that I would be in my daughter's life and it didn't happen. Now I want to go out again and even go to a movie by myself or a museum without my Recreational Friend which I haven't done in years. I don't want to go to the Bars and Clubs, that scene has changed and does nothing for me anymore. I am 48 and would feel out of place with being around a bunch of people in their 20s whom I have nothing in common with. They would view me as an Old Timer. 

That frustration of not being in my child's life had also caused me to unnecessarily spend money, become negative, and moody, sleeping late at 3 or 4 am at night.  It has also caused me to become disgruntled and angry and putting up with the emotional abuse of others at work. Not having a release from that negativity is what caused my problems. I love my sister but she had given me bad advice. I have decided to stop contacting my Recreational Friend and let him contact me instead. It is wasting my time. 

What I am going to do is just start going to be early, focus on my physical and emotional health, and become less negative. No one is going to do that for me except for me. My financial situation will improve, I have to be patient. I love my brother, I cannot rely on him to help me out and will be there for him when he needs me. I needed to write because I had a crappy day and wanted to get this frustration and anger out of my system.