Feeling sick

As Jarrett's birthday approaches, the knot in my stomach grows bigger and bigger. August 6th, the Green Knights have volunteered a memorial ride in Jarrett's name. August 10th what should have been my sweet little boys 9th birthday, we will be holding a memorial at the Veterans Cemetery. I dont know how I am supposed to make it through these days. The urge to join my baby becomes stronger and stronger as his birthday gets closer...its just so painful..I never wanted to have to "survive" my son!