feeling really low
It's 5:47am and I'm awake.I am unable to sleep,motivation eludes me;and I am very,very close to putting an end to this.I can see no light at the end of the tunnel,nor can I envisage such a light appearing.I am an intelligent man,I am a talented man,and yet,I am so very tired of existing like this.My thoughts are very dark,and I am not in a good place mentally;so,my next step?;I'm working on that.I find myself unwilling to look in a mirror,I have no love or liking for the individual I've become.
Perhap's I've lived too long,is that what my body is telling me?.I have gone from an active human being,able to work,support my family,converse on numerous subjects;to a husk of hopelessness;I dislike it intensely.where is the man I used to be?,he seems to have deserted me and left this "thing" I neither know nor understand.I am aware I am seriously thinking of taking steps to end my life,I know this because I no longer discuss them with anyone at all.Is this a sign that I am serious?,yes,I believe so......and I am not afraid.So;the decision is mine and mine alone and now I just have to fine tune my chosen exit from the world.Watch this space as they say.That's all for now,my brain is in overdrive,time to rest and just be.Later journal,I will return.
Perhap's I've lived too long,is that what my body is telling me?.I have gone from an active human being,able to work,support my family,converse on numerous subjects;to a husk of hopelessness;I dislike it intensely.where is the man I used to be?,he seems to have deserted me and left this "thing" I neither know nor understand.I am aware I am seriously thinking of taking steps to end my life,I know this because I no longer discuss them with anyone at all.Is this a sign that I am serious?,yes,I believe so......and I am not afraid.So;the decision is mine and mine alone and now I just have to fine tune my chosen exit from the world.Watch this space as they say.That's all for now,my brain is in overdrive,time to rest and just be.Later journal,I will return.
Replies
I am so very happy that you are still here you see GOD wasn\'t done with you yet & I\'m so very blessed in getting to know you*You are a huge inspiration to me. Smiles.