Feeling really alone today

Hey everyone I'm Ashley im new here and I've recently been going through alot. I'm bi polar and have changed jobs 3 times now this year I'm very exhausted and I keep having depression episodes. I list my healthcare when I left Aldi back in March now I'm back on my mom's but I feel so bad doing that to her and I only have till I'm 26 to stay on. I feel like I need to get my life figured out by then I'm really scared and I can't think straight.  I went back to working at tropical smoothie cafe I've been there for 3 years but they don't offer any health benefits. The reason I left Aldi was becuase they worked me like crazy and I hurt my ribs there and I would constantly cry on break and have depression episodes. I'm now starting a part time job at lidl but I found out they don't offer health benefits for part time and now I'm just so discouraged and drained it's so exhausting starting new jobs nd getting use to everything and I feel my bi polar disorder is getting worse now. I got off medication because u had horrible side affects while working at aldi. I really think I need to get on disability i just don't know if they will give it to me I'm just a mess I wake up everyday feeling miserable. I've been suicidal and it's just very up and down i started cutting myself for release. I don't have friends as no-one really relates and thinks I'm crazy.  I've needed up in the hospital before. I feel as I get older it just keeps getting worse and worse i really need some positive energy right now i feel so alone