Feeling pretty good
It's been a while since I've spent much time on this site. I check in on people's journal entries but that's about it. I look at the main posts and pick and choose if there is something there for me. I used to look for the big H-E-L-P, but have been feeling better so don't feel like I need it as much.
Interesting, isn't it? That what I needed perhaps more than anything was a listening ear, a sense of belonging, a little bit of somethin'-somethin' to get me through another day.
When we feel better we are DOING. I have been trying to DO. I have been trying to re-frame my thoughts, shift my consciousness, surrender, let go of my resistance.
I found some pretty major relief with some new insights. A lot of it I read about in the past, but this time it actually sunk in to a deeper level. I can't explain why there has been a change in my ability to feel, but something - and by something I mean a power beyond my consciousness, has made more of a perceivable presence.
I think there was a lot for me to learn about these past eleven and a half years. I'm not done learning by any means. But I'm trying to be more conscious of what this illness is been all about - trying to feel healthy, think healthy, live healthy.
I collect my stack of books from the library. I research. Always a feeling of urgency to know more. I talked to my brother over Memorial Day weekend and he said something helpful when I told him I felt like I needed to do something but I don't know what it is.
I've always felt restless. Always felt like no matter where I was there was some place else I needed to be. So, this isn't entirely a new feeling. Furthermore, I wonder why anyone could tell me what it is I am to do.
For, as my brother said, "You will always be one step ahead when it comes to knowing about yourself." Good point.
Still a feeling of urgency and unaware of the direction to take. I've always been spiritual. I've read about shamanism, spirit guides, etc. I'm curious as to how to find the path that is specifically for me. My curiosity, creativity, intelligence, humor, and insight are causing more and more pressure inside of me.
I have had many experiences of feeling like I am going to burst. I can't figure out where the path is for me to start a new journey. I feel like I've been filling my back pack with information, experience, compassion, and grace. I'm shifting my thoughts from fear to hope.
So many years of praying to make a difference. And, I have to look at the INCREMENTAL steps of making a difference in ONE here and ONE there. The lesson of patience returns again and again. I feel like I have to keep preparing for a journey that has yet to reveal itself.
carry on,
katy
Interesting, isn't it? That what I needed perhaps more than anything was a listening ear, a sense of belonging, a little bit of somethin'-somethin' to get me through another day.
When we feel better we are DOING. I have been trying to DO. I have been trying to re-frame my thoughts, shift my consciousness, surrender, let go of my resistance.
I found some pretty major relief with some new insights. A lot of it I read about in the past, but this time it actually sunk in to a deeper level. I can't explain why there has been a change in my ability to feel, but something - and by something I mean a power beyond my consciousness, has made more of a perceivable presence.
I think there was a lot for me to learn about these past eleven and a half years. I'm not done learning by any means. But I'm trying to be more conscious of what this illness is been all about - trying to feel healthy, think healthy, live healthy.
I collect my stack of books from the library. I research. Always a feeling of urgency to know more. I talked to my brother over Memorial Day weekend and he said something helpful when I told him I felt like I needed to do something but I don't know what it is.
I've always felt restless. Always felt like no matter where I was there was some place else I needed to be. So, this isn't entirely a new feeling. Furthermore, I wonder why anyone could tell me what it is I am to do.
For, as my brother said, "You will always be one step ahead when it comes to knowing about yourself." Good point.
Still a feeling of urgency and unaware of the direction to take. I've always been spiritual. I've read about shamanism, spirit guides, etc. I'm curious as to how to find the path that is specifically for me. My curiosity, creativity, intelligence, humor, and insight are causing more and more pressure inside of me.
I have had many experiences of feeling like I am going to burst. I can't figure out where the path is for me to start a new journey. I feel like I've been filling my back pack with information, experience, compassion, and grace. I'm shifting my thoughts from fear to hope.
So many years of praying to make a difference. And, I have to look at the INCREMENTAL steps of making a difference in ONE here and ONE there. The lesson of patience returns again and again. I feel like I have to keep preparing for a journey that has yet to reveal itself.
carry on,
katy
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