feeling overwhelmed.

Its been a little over year since i have worked. Me becoming a stay at home mom was a decision my dh and I made jointly due to the move and his new job and crazy schedule. I quit a job I loved and put my career goals on hold for the time being. We are financially struggling because it is so freaking expensive out here. We are paying $1500 in rent and up until this month $170 extra on our mortgage to cover the increase in property taxes. So we where paying $1670 in house payments. Food is more, everything is more. I handle all the bills and money as Dh stresses to much. I learned that when we were financially good. He hates paying bills. We could win a zillion dollars and he would still stress over bills. Dh doesn’t know how bad it is. I feel like I have failed. I wish I could work but day care is crazy here. I mean if I got a part time job it wouldn’t cover day care. I cant work full time with Dh being gone so much. It is to much with Ian and being pregnant. I just want to get a head a little bit. I am stressing over the new baby. I want to sale Ians old clothes so that I can buy this one clothes. He has like 8 totes of clothes. Im not kidding. Its insane. If I could just earn a little income it would help so much. I have racked my brain trying to figure out something I could do or make and sale. But I am crafty challenged. I have never been and arts and crafts person. I cant sew, or knit or any of that stuff. I have tried and failed miserably. I excel in the adult world. I belong in a court room. Kinda hard to do at home. I wish I could market myself as a jury consultant, because I am good. I am really good at that. I could work a day or 2 make $1500-$2000 and be good to go. But I have no idea how to get into that. I mean I have references but still it’s a hard thing to get into. I really wish I could hand over the finances to Dh so he could see how much stress im under and then he would understand but I cant. He will get so sad and depressed. He will feel like he failed his family. He is so sensitive. Its just things keep popping up. For instance. Right before Ian got sick we had a little extra money so I paid off some little bills that came in. AAA, little medical bills things like that. Well then Ian got sick both sets of parents came in and we were stuck in a hospital eating out. We spent about $200 on food for everyone and well the extra money we had was gone and then so was $ we didn’t have. Dh gets a good raise in October. What really hurt us was the last 8 weeks pay checks have been for his base pay. We went to Ga, Ian got sick he didn’t travel as much so he had no OT, Night pay or anything like that. Typically his paychecks have been for $400-$600 extra every 2 weeks and that helps a lot. We are going to California next week for a family reunion. My grand mother is not doing well. My great great grandmother is not doing well. I don’t know when the next time I will be able to go out there will be. With 2 kids it will be expensive and Ian is almost 2 so we will have to buy him a seat also. After this trip I know I have to sit down with Dh and come up with a game plan. I shop when im stressed and that’s not good when you don’t have any money. Certain things we don’t skimp on like food. We buy fresh fruits and veggies and local organic beef and pork. I never buy myself anything. Everything is for the baby. I do eat out a little. But im pregnant and you know how that is. With Dh gone so much sometimes that is the only time we get out of the house. I am just depressed. I hate not making $. I have been working since I was 13. I babysat for $ in the summer to buy my own clothes. Got my first “job” at 16 as a hostess and have worked full time since I was 18. If I could just make a little it would help so so much. We are just under where we need to be. But that little negative each month gets us deeper and deeper in a hole. I get upset also because dh IS ALWAYS BUYING STUFF HE “NEEDS” on his perdium account. He has a separate account for work and he keeps $2000 extra in it as fluff. So he buys stuff all the time and doesn’t understand when I say we don’t have an extra $75 because we don’t. HE is the one who pays for a pedicure for me at his insistence. I don’t. I don’t even know how to bring it up to him that we are in trouble. We have a CC he doesn’t know about. Moving 3 times in 2 years has financially hurt our savings. He just doesn’t understand. Its not like I go out shopping and buy clothes. Im talking food and things like that. We have a toddler that is growing. I buy all his clothes on sale. What do I do. How do I tell him. I cant keep carrying this all on my own. We don’t live lavish at all. I drive a 5 year old vehicle Dh drives a 6 year old car. We live in a cracker jack box. I wish I could hand over the finances to him then he could just give me money and I wouldn’t have to worry about how much we have. I know this is all temporary. Once we move back to Ga I am going to school to become a attorney and once I am doing that we will be financially fine. I know we are lucky and blessed but I have been feeling the weight of it for so long I just needed to get it out. Thanks ladies.