Feeling Numb Again

Christmas day has passed.  It was a mixture of calm and pain.  Spent it at Ray and Shel's house.  They did a wonderful job making things festive.  Putting together a gingerbread train with my grand daughter was much fun.  We made a mess but managed to get it done and it looked pretty good.
Spent Sunday with my sister.  We went to church then to Stanford's for brunch.  I had a $50 gift card.  I received it from the radio station Shel works for after contributing to the local homeless shelter through their charity show.  Pretty nice as it represented 1/2 of my donation.
I am glad "The Day" is passed but it has left me feeling somewhat numb again and very lonely.  Maybe it is because (in my mind) I felt like when Christmas has passed things will get a little easier.  Not so.  I have so many things I want to do: re-organizing, taking care of some legal things, deciding what social events I will participate in (or not) etc. etc., yet not wanting to start any of it.
I kind of feel as though I have been suddenly dropped into a world that I don't know and am yearning to go back home!
New Years Eve our church will have what is called a "burning bowl" ceremony.  It is where you place things from the previous year you want to move on from.  I will place my desire to move on without fear and leave behind the quilt that I could have done more to safe my dear Clyde's life.
Another step in a grueling process.



I think all of us are glad Christmas Day is over. It was my 3rd w/o Frank, and in some ways easier - but not \"wonderful.\" It sounds like you had a nice family time for Christmas. This is a start!! The burning bowl ceremony is a wonderful idea. Please don\'t feel guilty about Clyde\'s death; if you have faith you know that God took him when it was His time.

Perhaps if you take just one small part of your \"to do\" list - a small reorganization task - and not think about the other things until that one is done. (or one legal item etc) I think big lists are overwhelming at times, and deciding on something as No. 1 to work on might encourage you.

I have had a \"bum knee\" for 10 days now and have not been able to do much in the house since my family was here Dec. 18-19. Very frustrating - and today it\'s better, so I am getting a few things put away. My daughter lives 3 1/2 hrs. away, and they like being home on Christmas Day - so they came the wkend before & we were together with my son\'s family who lives here. I was invited to Louisiana to visit my cousin for Chr. weekend, but when the knee gave out, I backed out. I was so disappointed, but had to do my best. My DIL\'s parents invited me to their big meal, but I was there for T-giving and didn\'t want to go again. My neighbor of 30 yrs. invited me to eat with them - which I accepted and enjoyed. I also went to my son\'s early on C\'mas morning to see what the girls (7 & 13) rec\'d. So I was out of this empty house for several hrs. that day and it did help. I spent C\'mas the past 2 yrs. at my daughter\'s; she had to work the wk. preceding the big day this yr., so I wasn\'t invited. I know it has really helped me to be away from home those first 2 times.

Wishing you blessings and peace -

Hi Linda,
I expected to feel much better after Christmas Day. I don\'t. I may even feel worse. If that\'s possible. Soon we, the church, will be hiking up a small hill & if there is no burn ban & weather is permitting we will take this years Cares & Concerns that we have prayed for all year & burn them at the bottom of a lighted cross. How I wish that could make a big difference. But, when all is said and done the love of my life is dead & gone. That may be a brutal way to put it but I hurt so damned bad today. I\'m not leaving this room. I hope that you do better! Love, Val

i love the concept of the burning bowl, that is fabulous. could you throw my fear of starting to find new friends into the bowl for me!!!
you are correct that the day passing did not take all of it\'s issues with it! what a rude house guest this holiday was!!!

I also thought that after Christmas was over that I would somehow feel better, but not so. I have felt numb and very lonely. Not looking forward to New Years either. Just another reminder that James is gone and I have to face the new year alone.

Well, you made it. I guess feeling numb is an ongoing process. \"Baby steps\" as I have learned. And take your time. Moving on is not something you \"have\" to do yet. When you are ready - no rush. Sending you hugs and prayers.