feeling numb

Well today was a good day. I had therapy which went well. We worked on putting my anxieties into a "container" that I make up in my head. It sounds crazy but it really worked. I learned that one of my coping mechanisms for when I feel really self-conscious is that my mind starts to look for flaws in other people to make myself feel better. Needless to say I was so disgusted and upset with myself when I learned this. I have a love for every type of person, and I try my best not to judge people. How did I not realize that in my head I was being so judgmental in order to save myself from my own anxieties? After I talked with my mom she helped my realize that many people feel this way and that I am not a terrible person (even though this morning I would have disagreed.) All I can do now is to make sure I do not allow these thoughts to just pop into my mind. I have so much in my life that I need to change. I am only 19 years old and I feel like my life is out of control. I really hope that my days start to really look better. I need to find peace...and not just a few seconds of piece. I want the kind of piece that lasts weeks at a time.