Feeling like I made poor choices
I have been on bed rest for almost a month now and more than being boring, it's causing problems in our lives. I hate bed rest and I hate being pregnant right now! I have very little income coming in with my FMLA and that will end on May16 along with my medical or dental insurance. I have tried looking for ways to obtain other insurance before then, but have been unsuccessful. This means that I will have no insurance when I deliver. I already owe thousands from these past few months. My husband is not happy with this at all, he's constantly telling me that I need to find a way to make money.
I think he resents me. Lately he's been asking me to make dinner and other things around the house becasue he said I can't just lay around at home all day doing nothing. Unbelievable! I can't have intercourse so I know that is frustrating him as well. He keeps asking for massages and other pleasures. He's mad because we had to cancel our spring break vacation . I feel so guilty that I ruined our lives just because I wanted to be pregnant. On top of it all I am soo big, I keep gaining weight like crazy. DH makes comments about how big I am and tells me that I better not weigh more than him ever. Yesterday we went to the pharmacy and there was was a very thin, tall pregnant young girl woring and he pointed out how cute she looked with her belly and yet how skinny she was able to maintain her body. I was so hurt. I cried for like an hour last night. I even considered taking diet pills. I have started to do some easy yoga and arm exercises so I don't lose too much muscle tone. He forgets that with my son and Michaela I barely gained weight and lost it within 3 months after giving birth. This time though, I look like I'm about to pop any day now. I should mention that DH is an extreme athlete and has total of 5.6 % body fat, so imagine how I feel.
We had planned that I would stay home with the new baby for 12wks and now I won't be able to stay home more than 4wks and after that we won't have the money to pay for daycare because of this darn bed rest. AHHH!!! I just want to scream and cry and run away from it all.
Maybe I should've have waited to get pregnant again or maybe we should've just been happy with our 6year old and left it at that. I feel so guilty for ruining our lives.
I think he resents me. Lately he's been asking me to make dinner and other things around the house becasue he said I can't just lay around at home all day doing nothing. Unbelievable! I can't have intercourse so I know that is frustrating him as well. He keeps asking for massages and other pleasures. He's mad because we had to cancel our spring break vacation . I feel so guilty that I ruined our lives just because I wanted to be pregnant. On top of it all I am soo big, I keep gaining weight like crazy. DH makes comments about how big I am and tells me that I better not weigh more than him ever. Yesterday we went to the pharmacy and there was was a very thin, tall pregnant young girl woring and he pointed out how cute she looked with her belly and yet how skinny she was able to maintain her body. I was so hurt. I cried for like an hour last night. I even considered taking diet pills. I have started to do some easy yoga and arm exercises so I don't lose too much muscle tone. He forgets that with my son and Michaela I barely gained weight and lost it within 3 months after giving birth. This time though, I look like I'm about to pop any day now. I should mention that DH is an extreme athlete and has total of 5.6 % body fat, so imagine how I feel.
We had planned that I would stay home with the new baby for 12wks and now I won't be able to stay home more than 4wks and after that we won't have the money to pay for daycare because of this darn bed rest. AHHH!!! I just want to scream and cry and run away from it all.
Maybe I should've have waited to get pregnant again or maybe we should've just been happy with our 6year old and left it at that. I feel so guilty for ruining our lives.
Replies
Oh my gosh honey, I\'m so sorry for the way you are being treated by DH! Do not feel guilty! I really can\'t believe he is saying these things to you! You are on bedrest for a reason, which means you shouldn\'t be doing anything. After what you have been thru, you would think he would be more supportive. As for your weight, don\'t worry about it!! You need to only worry about your baby. Your DH needs to back off! I\'m so sorry you are being treated this way. Hugs!!
Oh Amanda, I can see how this can happen very easily. It\'s not a bad choice on your part. Your husband, well as much as I hate how he is treating you, I can totally understand his frustrations and concerns as well. It\'s unfortunate, because he is taking it out on you which you don\'t need either. If it were me, I would call a meeting one evening once my son was asleep. I would sit down and let him know (calmly) how sorry I am that this has not turned out as planned AGAIN, but to please understand it\'s not my fault AND it\'s out of both of our controls. I would ask my husband softly to please let\'s win this fight together. I know it will difficult, but we will get through it. And once the baby is here, we will have time to get everything back in order and all of this will seem like another bad dream (except this one ends). Do you think this could help if you sat down with him and had a serious conversation. As much as I would like to beat him up, I also think he is just saying these things mostly because he is scared of your finances and providing for his family. It\'s such a man thing to be able to take care of his family. People have rough times all the time. In your case, maybe you both have just never experienced it and if so you are one of the lucky ones. At the same time, you will have to do your best to alter your situation to match your new financial situation that will NOT last forever. You at least have the ability to get back to a good place. I wish there was more I could do. I would just say communicate, communicate, communicate and NO DIET pills. I know you aren\'t serious about it, but please don\'t worry about your weight. Pregnancy is not always fun, but try to keep your eye on the prize inside your tummy. As soon as the baby comes, you can work on burning off the extra fat. I will need to take off the fat from this one and from Carly, OUCH! I see so many struggles and can understand completely how you feel. Just hang in there and do whatever you can to fight this battle with your husband and not against. I\'m so sorry for the added stress. I can see how it makes this already bumpy ride even worse. HUGE HUGS and keep writing, Stacy
One more thing...wanting another baby and making another baby could never be a bad choice. We never plan on being on bed rest for months or our babies dying. We try to give life and every precious life is a blessing and a miracle, a real treasure. Never, never, is it a bad choice. You have done nothing wrong. It\'s just not working out as planned which happens some times. Hang in there honey, Stacy
Men are so selfish!!! I am so sorry that you are being subjected to this. They just don\'t get it at all do they?!!! You have nothing to feel guilty about. Bedrest is exactly that BEDREST!!! Is there someone in your family that you call? I honestly wish you lived closer because I\'d make sure YOU were taken care of. Are you a member of a church or do you have any older neighbors that can pitch in and help? ie... make meals, house cleaning etc...
Life is so tough as it is...
I\'m here whenever you need to vent.
Hugs!!!
N.
OH my GOSH...I am so sorry that your hubby is acting this way right now. Out of all of his concerns/comments/complaints, the most horrendous (in my opinion) is the weight issue!! As a person who has had to do extensive amounts of bed rest, I can say it is SO HARD on the body. Inordinate weight gain is a nasty by product of it. :-( But you can\'t do anything about it right now! You have to just focus on growing the baby. I think the comments about the tall skinny pregnant lady would have broken my heart, too. I already THINK those thoughts...I see all the adorable baby bumps and feel like a beached whale...if my hubby had any comparative comment to make, that would just add to my misery.
I feel your pain on the finances side of things, but again, he should not be putting additional pressure on you for that either. Maybe he should get another job? Or you could find a way to make extra money by selling his beloved belongings on CraigsList while he\'s at work....? LOL \"Honey, I got a great price for your motorcycle!!\"
It sounds to me like your husband has some selfish attitudes and perspectives that are beyond a private chat. I would suggest some counseling. Do you have a pastor who could come visit and provide some direction/advice? I will be praying for you. This is such a challenging time!
I\'m so sorry that these things are happening to you. A pregnancy after a loss is so stressful to begin with and then to add all this to it is so unfair. I hope that you both can communicate and find the strength to pull through this difficult time. The finances, the bedrest, the weight...all of it is temporary. Your family is in my thoughts. Hugs!!
Amanda I\'m really sorry. I can\'t imagine how hurtful and frustrating all of this must be, only compounded by the stress and worry of the financial side of it. It sounds like your husband is probably full of frustration and probably fears about the future, however like a man, just can\'t verbalize it the way he wants to, or doesn\'t even realize that that\'s WHAT he\'s feeling. That doesn\'t make any of this right though. We are always here for you, anytime! Hugs!
Oh no!! Amanda!! I feel for you so much, I wish I could come over and help!! Finances are stressful and when debt is mounting it gets even worse. But don\'t let it consume you, don\'t let your hubby pressurise you into taking risks, if the Drs have said bedrest, do it.
Like some of the other ladies have said the prize is worth it, and deep down your hubby knows it too. Men get v stressed about money and providing, but really ask him if it was Michaela\'s life or money, I\'m sure he would want her, and it\'s the same with this LO, deep down he wants him, but the more immediate problem is the money, and the dinner on the table. That aside, it was spiteful of him to comment on your weight like that, it\'s only temporary, and he must be able to see that. Men don\'t understand pregnancy, and don\'t understand how it affects us either... praying for you and hoping that some kind of solution may be found.
Have you thought about working from home when baby is here? Is there anything you could do like that? Sending big hugs and a waggling finger for shaking at your hubby!
message me anytime if you need to...