Feeling like I made poor choices
I have been on bed rest for almost a month now and more than being boring, it's causing problems in our lives. I hate bed rest and I hate being pregnant right now! I have very little income coming in with my FMLA and that will end on May16 along with my medical or dental insurance. I have tried looking for ways to obtain other insurance before then, but have been unsuccessful. This means that I will have no insurance when I deliver. I already owe thousands from these past few months. My husband is not happy with this at all, he's constantly telling me that I need to find a way to make money.
I think he resents me. Lately he's been asking me to make dinner and other things around the house becasue he said I can't just lay around at home all day doing nothing. Unbelievable! I can't have intercourse so I know that is frustrating him as well. He keeps asking for massages and other pleasures. He's mad because we had to cancel our spring break vacation . I feel so guilty that I ruined our lives just because I wanted to be pregnant. On top of it all I am soo big, I keep gaining weight like crazy. DH makes comments about how big I am and tells me that I better not weigh more than him ever. Yesterday we went to the pharmacy and there was was a very thin, tall pregnant young girl woring and he pointed out how cute she looked with her belly and yet how skinny she was able to maintain her body. I was so hurt. I cried for like an hour last night. I even considered taking diet pills. I have started to do some easy yoga and arm exercises so I don't lose too much muscle tone. He forgets that with my son and Michaela I barely gained weight and lost it within 3 months after giving birth. This time though, I look like I'm about to pop any day now. I should mention that DH is an extreme athlete and has total of 5.6 % body fat, so imagine how I feel.
We had planned that I would stay home with the new baby for 12wks and now I won't be able to stay home more than 4wks and after that we won't have the money to pay for daycare because of this darn bed rest. AHHH!!! I just want to scream and cry and run away from it all.
Maybe I should've have waited to get pregnant again or maybe we should've just been happy with our 6year old and left it at that. I feel so guilty for ruining our lives.
I think he resents me. Lately he's been asking me to make dinner and other things around the house becasue he said I can't just lay around at home all day doing nothing. Unbelievable! I can't have intercourse so I know that is frustrating him as well. He keeps asking for massages and other pleasures. He's mad because we had to cancel our spring break vacation . I feel so guilty that I ruined our lives just because I wanted to be pregnant. On top of it all I am soo big, I keep gaining weight like crazy. DH makes comments about how big I am and tells me that I better not weigh more than him ever. Yesterday we went to the pharmacy and there was was a very thin, tall pregnant young girl woring and he pointed out how cute she looked with her belly and yet how skinny she was able to maintain her body. I was so hurt. I cried for like an hour last night. I even considered taking diet pills. I have started to do some easy yoga and arm exercises so I don't lose too much muscle tone. He forgets that with my son and Michaela I barely gained weight and lost it within 3 months after giving birth. This time though, I look like I'm about to pop any day now. I should mention that DH is an extreme athlete and has total of 5.6 % body fat, so imagine how I feel.
We had planned that I would stay home with the new baby for 12wks and now I won't be able to stay home more than 4wks and after that we won't have the money to pay for daycare because of this darn bed rest. AHHH!!! I just want to scream and cry and run away from it all.
Maybe I should've have waited to get pregnant again or maybe we should've just been happy with our 6year old and left it at that. I feel so guilty for ruining our lives.
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