Feeling lost

In my first journal I mentioned that I had found out my grandmother had cancer.  We lost her shortly after that on Jan 24th.  I'm glad she lived to make my son's birthday even if she was not totally with it.  I thought it rather odd that at the time of her death, I was at work when i got the call.  I took it rather well and surprised everyone at how well I took the news.  
 
A month has now passed and it finally hit me this weekend.  She is gone.  I can never hear her voice, hold her hand, give her a hug or see her again.  The hardest time for me is after work.  I was so used to calling her on my way home just to talk and see how she was doing.  Even if I couldn't see her, we were always in contact. I now find myself crying on the way home.  
When I had my panic attacks, I new I could call her and she would know how to make me calm down and feel better.  I had my first bad attack since she died and I was lost.  My husband, bless him, tried to talk to me (I was out doing errands when it hit) but he is not one that talks much and when he does he mumbles so over the phone it is hard to hear/understand him.  It seems like the world is caving in with all the stuff going on in my life right now, i just don't know which way to turn.