feeling kinda down
I know logically that this is ridiculous, but the past month or so are finally taking a toll on me. I think the comment yesterday about the lawyer made me realize this isn't going to be as easy as I had hoped. I mean I know it's not easy; I've left before and practically had to go into the witness protection program to stay hidden and he still found me and here I am again, but I had hoped--sincerely hoped--that it wouldn't be so bad if I was stronger and more forceful with him. I honestly do not want to uproot my children again; Lex is doing great in high school, she only has three years to go; and Alyssa is so happy also (well as happy as she can be). I know this crushing defeat feeling will pass--it always does, but damn I'm so tired! Between his craziness and dealing with Alyssa's constant behavior issues, work, school, and everything else I just need one day that I can curl up and bawl my eyes out and throw myself a pity party. How the hell did this happen?! I have always been a good girl. I am smart, I am determined (some may say stubborn), I love my children, my family, and my country. So how did I end up here? And I honestly have no idea who the hell that girl was who got mixed up here 17 years ago. I wouldn't trade my children for the world, but I sure wish I had gotten out after Alyssa was born and STAYED out!