Feeling inadequate
I don't know if it's the disease or the treatment but I dont know how much longer I can successfully do my job.
I am a travel agent employed by American Express to sell high end corporate travel. I feel truly blessed by my coworkers with whom I have been very open regarding my disease, various 'episodes', pain levels, etc. They are the best, hands down, my boss included.
I work twice as hard as the others, double and triple checking everything I do and every account I touch. It is a very stressful job, stress=bad things for us Lupies.
I use to be an Area Governor for Toastmasters. I was a lecture at my church, Eucharistic minister, sewed and washed altar cloths, ran workshops. I even worked in the wardrobe department for the 2002 Winter Olympics, all while working full time.
I'm down to my job and my house and honestly feel overwhelmed most days with just that.
My birthday is coming up and it is awesome, 11-11-11. Of course, being me (husband calls me Freaky T) I think that God is speaking directly to me (nope, not hearing voices) The number eleven is blessed in numerology, the number three is sacred in my religion (Holy Trinity). I'm going to drive to Idaho (no lottery in Utah) and buy 11 tickets in each of 3 lotteries on my birthday (Man I hope it's not in a snow storm)
If I could get the bills paid down, right the house in our upside down mortgage, I'd be under so much less stress. I'd just work until I couldn't anymore and retire to raise and train German Shepherds.
I am a travel agent employed by American Express to sell high end corporate travel. I feel truly blessed by my coworkers with whom I have been very open regarding my disease, various 'episodes', pain levels, etc. They are the best, hands down, my boss included.
I work twice as hard as the others, double and triple checking everything I do and every account I touch. It is a very stressful job, stress=bad things for us Lupies.
I use to be an Area Governor for Toastmasters. I was a lecture at my church, Eucharistic minister, sewed and washed altar cloths, ran workshops. I even worked in the wardrobe department for the 2002 Winter Olympics, all while working full time.
I'm down to my job and my house and honestly feel overwhelmed most days with just that.
My birthday is coming up and it is awesome, 11-11-11. Of course, being me (husband calls me Freaky T) I think that God is speaking directly to me (nope, not hearing voices) The number eleven is blessed in numerology, the number three is sacred in my religion (Holy Trinity). I'm going to drive to Idaho (no lottery in Utah) and buy 11 tickets in each of 3 lotteries on my birthday (Man I hope it's not in a snow storm)
If I could get the bills paid down, right the house in our upside down mortgage, I'd be under so much less stress. I'd just work until I couldn't anymore and retire to raise and train German Shepherds.
Replies
Wow... what a cool Birthday! Nice that you have plans ( and I too hope it is not in a snowstorm.
I read in the news just yesterday that President Obama is doing another deal to help homeowners in trouble with thier mortgages. Don\"t know if it would be of help but he is trying to boost his chance at re-election next year so I thought I would mention it. May only be a limited amount and I would feel mighty guilty if I didn\'t mention it. (and I am not NOT NOT supporting a political agenda... haven\'t done that since Make Love Not War)
I know the feeling about looking backwards at what all we could do and ENJOY ourselves while doing it and how limited that is now in my case due to CFS/Fibro.
I love dogs and training them... if my health would allow I would be raising and training Rottweilers.
Hmmm, did I just ramble all over your journal. Sorry... seems we have a lot in common except you have that AWESOME birthday coming up! :-)
Peace, Love and Hugs
I know when my diagnosis was confirmed I was off on long term disability from my administrative position in the financial services industry. At one point the company had decided I was able to return to work & when I confronted my dr he said \"it will be a hell of a long time before you can return to work\". I\'ve ended up being blessed by the government approving me for CPP disability & I know if I had to work I\'d be a total wreck most of the time in all ways.
Being that keeping a good balance to our days if so vital with lupus is there any way you can restructure your work time, job, duties, hours, etc. etc. to maybe give you a better less stress balance. You are so very blessed with co-workers that understand. I had no understanding at all & it sure would of helped back then.
I can tell you my dear that if it\'s understanding you want, a shoulder you need to lean on, someone to cry & vent to - then don\'t ever hesitate to contact me. I\'ll always try & be available.
What an awesome cool birthday.
I am a \"new\" friend so I am just getting to know you.
To me,despite your health issues,you work hard and care about the quality of your work. I think that is rare in the world,and I imagine it has to be very difficult for you to not be able to keep up or do the things you used to be able to do. I think its very cool that you are independent and have so many interesting jobs. i am recovering agoraphobic and am just now getting out into the world and discovering my independence.
I too think your Birthday date is a cool one.Didn\'t know about the meaning of the numbers though.Wow. I like that your idea of going to buy lottery tickets,:o). I wish you the best and hope that despite your health issues you see your inner strength/spirit/beauty within yourself. Hugs
I know how you feel looking at all the things we \"used\" to do. It can be depressing to look back. The MP has me looking forward. I hope you had a wonderfully blessed birthday.