Feeling Guilty

Wednesday, September 03, 2008 – 12:05 P.M. I am feeling very guilty today. Tomorrow afternoon, my former Primary Care Provider (PCP) is returning after several weeks of illness. Someone from the home healthcare agency called to make sure I had no objection. Despite having mixed emotions, I agreed to let her return for several reasons.   When she took her leave of absence, I promised to take her back providing she got a medical clearance from her doctor. She has done that. I saw her the other week, and she looked even worse than she had earlier. When the Director of Staffing assured me that this PCP could do the work, I did not feel that I could (in good conscience) refuse to let her return, especially since she needs the money. She is supposed to start tomorrow.   The person who has been substituting for her is leaving the agency on September 3, 2008, in order to move to California. She has been doing lots of fill-in work for the agency because she, too, needs the money. I feel a certain bond with her because she has a daughter with a disability. More importantly than that, she has helped me a lot.   I am upset because I like both persons, but they cannot have the same job working with me. I am also feeling guilty because I am still planning on leaving the agency as soon as possible. I do not feel I have a real choice because the quality of care I am receiving has been steadily decreasing, and even though there are times when I am unhappy with my life, I still deserve having good care.   This situation has arisen quickly, and I was unprepared for it. Added to that is the fact that I still do not feel well. This makes me want to run away and hide from the entire world, but that is not possible.   I have no choice other than to keep moving forward one day at a time.   Quotes for Character: “Nothing great has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe something inside them was superior to circumstances.” ––Bruce Barton