Feeling Fragile

Stress is a mean phenom. It is an attack on the entire nervous system. What is one to do when under attack by an entire system? Until something better comes along, I think I will continue to step small, p-word big, and trust in politically incorrect beings to guide me through the far from fine chaos. This morning I think I would augment my F-word with pharmacueticals, if I could access them without the stress of another Due Process. Big if. . . It has been at least 20 years since I talked to a med pro without feeling their legal teams standing between us.


The first draft of the formal Breach of Contract arrived last night. I was feeling my psychoses acutely and decided not to interrupt my therapy tool work out just then. I responded to the email with a promise to review it in the morning. My early rising habits make it possible to complete such chores in the hours the 21st century norm typically calls, "Yesterday." Most days it is as easy as appreciating the morning bird concert. This morning my anxiety is roaring and . . . It ain't most days.


My failure to find a contractor to move the debris pile through the e-channels hit pretty hard. This was *supposed to be* the easy part. The one contractor I did speak to face-to-face smelled the breach of contract quicker than a bee smells pollen. The conversation didnae go well. As he left, he offered me a free bottle of honey from his own hives. I couldnae take his honey. I suffered a major bee mobbing and acquired the beekeeper's allergy the last time I took human politics into a bee hive with my husband. All that remains unresolved beyond the business-as-usual transition to my keeping a safe distance from the business while hubby continues to rise like a superstar. The still barely acknowledged beekeeper's allergy sits in my heart as an especially poetic illustration of the phenom.


The phone conversation with contractor scheduled to come out this morning was a breath of fresh air. I think. My difficulty with phone conversations was solidly in play and I missed enough of the conversation that I need to leave room for the possibility that it was a breath of fresh delusion. If I heard right through the random squeals and tones of the cell phone connection, he laughed with gentle compassion when I spoke of my e-justing. "I've been using those networks for years and you are precisely the second call I have received from Western Kentucky. Most of my calls come from the surrounding states. I'm in Missouri today. If you ain't on the good ol' boy network, your job ain't getting done." He promised that if he couldn't do the job, he would put me in contact with someone who can. Do I still have F-word in promises? Trying to keep an open mind. . .


Daily Inventory: Appetite sketchy. Gut knots fierce. Thoughts manicky. Focus scattered. Persilly is surprisingly calm as she rests at my feet.


Time to edit that legal document. P-words in progress. . .

Replies

Leo
Leo

Gentle purrs.
I truly do despise that "network" of people that makes the internet of all things a better option.
FWIW, if i knew anyone in your area, I'd kick them in their network, but... Purrs and Purrs, of any kind you favor.
SwimBack2031
SwimBack2031

gentle hugs coming your way arfie - I hope you can find an appetite today, I know eating some good food always helps me when I am down. I always struggle with this though because I never seem to be hungry. Sending you so much strength to get through all you need to today.
patti22
patti22

Cleaning up a mess is an huge and often underappreciated pain. Gives me a headache even thinking about it.
arfie
arfie

Thank you, Leo. I still miss your puma purrs, but politically vague purrs appreciated.

I hope I can find my appetite today, too, SwimBack. I have plenty of strictly personal evidence that a balanced diet is the single most important tool in my psychotherapy tool box, but, alas, stress still makes me vomit, no matter how good the food is. Plying grounding tools.

Sorry I gave you a headache, Patti. Hope it passes quickly.

Update:
Legal document reviewed. I only found one mistake. Not finding much solace in having that chore behind me, but. . .
Time to therapute.
SwimBack2031
SwimBack2031

Arfie congrats on finishing! Celebrate those little wins
Leo
Leo

I like your verbs, and if you want PUMA PURRS, you got 'em:-) I know stress and GI issues. (Since age 8, alas.) If Puma Purrs help, then you get puma purrs.
Therapute. Yep. That works!
nancy6464
nancy6464

Good morning arfie and gentle hugs. Stress is a meal breaker for sure. Try to at least stay hydrated cause that’s a double whammy of complication when stress attacks the food zone. I am glad it appears that you may at least be getting a referral to someone who can remove the pile for you. After theraputing maybe you and persilly can get some well earned outdoor relaxation time in if the weather allows. Triple hugs of support~