Feeling embarrassed
Im thinking too much today. But not about the good times. Im not missing FOM. Im actually feeling stupid. To think that i was special to him and he meant the things he said. I feel so fckin foolish. So used. I wonder how many others there were. Did he say the same things to them?? Could he be that heartless. Is he laughing at me now thinking of all the shit I've done for him? All the money I've lent him. UGH. I am embarrassed and angry. My only saving grace is that i ended it. And every single time he came crawling back to me. I've ignored and deleted his lame-o attempts ALMOST every time. Which is a big deal. I wish i could turn this part if my brain off.
Replies
I know just how you are feeling. Oh do I ever. If I had a dollar for every time I have said how stupid I was. The thing is, I\'m not a stupid person. I am usually a pretty good judge of character. That is what bothers me the most. How could I let another person play me like that? How can I ever trust my judgement again. Sound familiar?
It is hard to remember this part for people in our situation, and others may tell you differently, but we are real people with feelings and emotions. we did not deserve to be treated like this regardless of the fact that we are married. We gave a part of ourselves to another person and they betrayed our trust. You have to work through the grief that comes with knowing someone could do that to you.
I was actually able to confront the OM after I found out the truth. He told me that there is nothing wrong with me. I don\'t have any respect from his opinion, but I have to try to remind myself that this much he said is true. He is the one who is twisted and damaged. The bad things we are stuck with serve a purpose. they help us to make sure this doesn\'t happen to us again. The one thought that helps me the most is realizibg how lucky I am that I am not his wife.
Be strong my friend.
I don\'t have any respect \"for\" his opinion. I hate not being able to edit typos!
Thanks. I needed that. I cant believe he told you that. I was just thinking how I\'d love to txt him and ask him why?! Why/how could he play me like that when he had no intentions of leaving?! How could he lie and say those things?? I want to know for sure there were others. But then i think, how could I believe anything he would tell me now. Aaaannnnddd on top of everything else, if hes already playing with someone else, he\'d probably just feel like im pestering him. Nagging. Ya know, acting like a W and he\'d push me away.
Im glad im not his W too. I would go out of my friggin mind to have to live like this everyday.
Some days he would say to me how could he really love me when he doesn\'t even love himself. He said he was sexually abused by his sister as a child. But then hes said a lot of things. I dont know.
I hate that he takes up so much of my head space!! Im gonna get fired if i dont get some work done!!
Ha! Damn typos ;)
Yeah, haha, I know what you mean about getting fired. I spend way too much time here, but I need it right now. No worse than all the time i spent texting him and talking on the phone. can\'t believe I\'m not in the unemployment line.