Feeling drained and torn up inside
Sometimes we women feel we are the caretakers of the rest of the world. Especially we older women were raised that way.
During the last several years it seems my friends have needed so much from me in the way of nurturing. They are elderly, ill, or both.
Sometimes I wish I had not taken on the friendship with Dot. She is incredibly "needy". But what I really dislike is her constant NEGATIVITY.
I came close to withdrawing from the situation. I didn't return some of her calls. But when push came to shove, I couldn't do it.
Dot talks non-stop. And 90 percent of what she says is vociferous complaining. She is very judgm ental. I dislike being in such a negative energy field.
Elderly people are not going to change.
Have a close friend in NY who is very ill with Meneires Disease.
Have another friend whose son recently died of cancer.
My next door neighbor is 96 and she needs me, too!
What happened to FUN? Sometimes our lives are filled with guilt and duty.
During the last several years it seems my friends have needed so much from me in the way of nurturing. They are elderly, ill, or both.
Sometimes I wish I had not taken on the friendship with Dot. She is incredibly "needy". But what I really dislike is her constant NEGATIVITY.
I came close to withdrawing from the situation. I didn't return some of her calls. But when push came to shove, I couldn't do it.
Dot talks non-stop. And 90 percent of what she says is vociferous complaining. She is very judgm ental. I dislike being in such a negative energy field.
Elderly people are not going to change.
Have a close friend in NY who is very ill with Meneires Disease.
Have another friend whose son recently died of cancer.
My next door neighbor is 96 and she needs me, too!
What happened to FUN? Sometimes our lives are filled with guilt and duty.
Replies
A person needs to look for the fun. Just get away from it all and maybe just sit outside and watch the rest of the world go by can be fun. My sister has a friend that complains all the time, everything is everyone else\'s fault and she doesn\' take any of the blame what happens to her on her self. Life happens, somethings aren\'t good things but there is some good things in life if people would just look for them. My sister doesn\'t answer all her phone calls. Maybe once every two months she will talk with her otherwise that spirit of complaining and whining can infulance her. You need to watch out for that and not join in with her negativity.
You are such a delightful person wanting and trying to help them all but don\'t forget to make time for yourself to have fun.
It seems as if you have a carung heart, you will be blessed. Take time out for yourself, when your friends constantly complain don\'t answer them and change the subject sooner or later they will get the hint and stop or move on.
Hmmm, sounds like you need some time just for you. Maybe you could limit your time with Dot rather than withdraw completely? You can only care for others so much... you need to look after you first. :)
Your positive attitude is what more than likely drew Dot\'s friendship to you. I do understand some what about a negative person. My hubby looks at everything and everybody in the negative and I look for the positive. He however is not a complainer THANK HEAVENS or he would probably be the ex hubby! Hopefully you will find a way to balance your relationship with Dot and other friends.
I agree with lorrie\'s suggestion of limiting your time with Dot, and maybe with your other friends, too. Maybe you could tell yourself what you are/aren\'t willing to do for them that day before you get there/before they ask? Doing one kind thing is perfectly acceptable. Like sitting to chat for a few minutes, then pointedly getting up from your seat, or turning away if you\'re standing, and saying, \'I really must go now, Dot, I\'ve got things to do at home,\' and stick to it. Tell them you\'ve enjoyed it and you\'ll see them soon , then make for the front door or start walking.
If it is making you feel depleted all the time, then there is something definitely wrong. Remember what they say on flights? \'Fit your own oxygen mask before helping others.\' You can\'t help others if you are dead from lack of oxygen; just like that, you can\'t help them if you are too tired or ill from being overwhelmed.
Take care of yourself, and hope things improve soon!
It is a shame, because for me, being around negative people sometimes rubs off and puts me in a bad mood. I also don\'t want to be a \"fair weather\" friend. But life and relationships are about balance. If you are not getting some kind of balance, maybe it is time to back off a little? Also, as a woman, I certainly understand the need to \"vent.\" Can\'t \"vent\" to my husband. LOL! But just the act of complaining about a situation helps me to feel better. Is she venting or truly complaining?