Feeling down today

I'm feeling down today.  Not depressed but just sad.  So many thoughts going through my head.  It's been 2 months as of today that he moved out.  The good news is I haven't cried in 3 days.  Thats the longest stretch since he left.  I think it must be the antidepressant working.  I hope so.  The kids and I are leaving for Florida next Saturday.  It's the first vacation we will have in 6 years.  They are looking forward to it but I keep thinking it should be a family vacation with him too.  But he doesn't want to be a part of our family right now.  The kids are each bringing a friend so there will be 5 of us.  I know I've got to make this vacation a happy one for them.  No depressing thoughts allowed for 1 full week.  They've been so supportive of me during this whole ordeal.  My son, the youngest at 18, has been a rock.  He amazes me with his kindness and caring about how I feel.  My daughter can't talk about it at all.  She's so angry with her dad.  And to be quite honest, she cant handle seeing me cry and is as she put, "getting sick of it".   I know she is hurting too.  They both are.  Neither one of them wants their dad to come home.  As far as they are concerned he's not welcomed anymore.  They can't understand why I still love him after what he's done.  I ask myself that same question.  Throughout our marriage he's been so selfish and self-centered.  It's always been about him.  Jeff always gets what he wants, when he wants, regardless of how I feel.  He was gone all the time hunting or fishing.  I have been a low priority for a long time.  I know that's where my anger and resentment stem from.  I can be a very loving, affectionate and giving person with the right encouragement, but I haven't gotten that encouragement from him in years.  So I became angry and bitter and disrespectful which in turn made him angry and bitter and disrepectful.  To be completely honest even I haven't been really happy in years, but I knew I loved my husband and I just assumed he would always love me the same way too.  How wrong I was.  I would NEVER put my happiness before that of my kids or his.  But this is a typical selfish Jeff move.  I've asked him what he could possibly be looking for that he doesn't already have right here at home.  He's got a wife who loves him heart and soul and two awesome kids.  All he knows is that he just doesn't have "those feelings" for me anymore.  I know now that he checked out a long time ago I just loved him too much to see it and he never told me.  By the time it came up, it was too late for him.  So he's living at his parents house for now and keeping busy with (you guessed it) hunting and fishing.  I know in my heart of hearts it could've been great.  Once I found out how bad it was for him, I did a 360 and fell back in love with my husband.  I let go of all the anger and resentment I had built up over the years and I truly fell back in love with him.  He cannot let go of his anger and resentment.  Until he does I know we don't stand a chance.  Someday I hope he looks back and realizes what he's lost.  But if he stays true to form, he will never see that he played a big part in his own unhappiness.  He will never take responsibility for his actions.  He will always feel justified for leaving because "he deserves to be happy".  He is incapable of looking at the whole picture and seeing the damage he's done - he can only see his small little world.  Gosh I'm really rambling here.  So many thoughts going thru my head.  I guess I just feel numb today - still in shock after 2 months.