Feeling down

Well, I am finding that these past few weeks I am i feeling sad. Life is good, status quo, kids are doing amazing. My middle little man is turning 7 on sunday, and he is so excited. I always told my mom that I could tell he was her favorite, and she used to say what are you talking about? But, they had something special between them. I am  by no means saying she favored one over the others but, I say it with a smile, I used to tease her. He liked going whereever she went no matter where. He was her little buddy. He doesn't look like her at all, but he has my Moms nose, so when he is tired and lays his head on my lap, he looks up at me with his little turned up nose and says rub my hair like Nonna. and I do, and it breaks my heart. I am so happy he still remembers little things like that.  Father's Day was nice, my dad came over, my sister and brother in law, my other sister with her husband and kids came up from baltimore to visit. I cooked, they swam in the pool and we had dessert. It was quiet, too quiet. but nice. and then, I started to watch the special on tv about tim russert, and he was talking about his mom, and it got me really emotional. God do I miss her. .... can't believe it , I sat with my sister and she said "i just don't get why, she was too young" and I said, it's not her age, its just her, I still can't believe that she is really not here. i know she isn't , but I could so use her for so many things, I need to talk to her something awful.  My birthday is coming up on Wednesday. My sister J has planned a spa day with some of my closest friends.... and then we will go to lunch. It should be nice. then, I will get my boys at school, probably have dinner and a cake with them and hang out with them. My husband wants to go out, but I told him I kinda want to hang low, and be with my family. he knows I am hurting, heck, he is hurting too. I am trying to enjoy b/c I am so blessed with a wonderful family, it's just hard. I am getting better, Some days, I am amazed that I did so good, and then there is these past few days. ... I had a copy of my Dad's eulogy and it's beautiful , they were so in love. it's pretty amazing. ... it got me in a mood after, I just couldn't shake it. I will try to share it with you, my dad is so amazing.  Anyway, I am going to smile, go for a workout, and pray that tomorrow is a better day. i am sopposed to go to lunch with one of my friends from highschool. Hopefully we are still on! Then Friday night we are going to NY for dinner with my sister and brother. ...and then sat night is my friends 40th bday party .. that should be fun! and the kids finish school this friday, so there is going to be tons of time for me to have with them.  I am hoping to head south to the beach for a week or two to just relax, breathe in the ocean air and get peace of mind. It helped alot last summer, I am hoping to continue to heal.  .. remember my Mom with smiles. My sister thought of our slogan for our 'light the night" walk in the Fall. We are having shirts made for our team as we walk to honor my Mom Pia, "tutto e possibile" ..."anything is possible" ...its what she always said. and its so true. I am working on getting there. I miss you Mommy,I miss you so much, I wish I could talk to you, there is so much I need to talk to you and share with you!  Sorry, I got to go right now, Hoping everyone is doing OK! sending you all hugs!