Feeling down
Carlos:
I thought that I was progressing and was ready to move forward but today I had a setback. I was having dinner with the kids when I realize that you will never be at our dinner table again and it hit me like a tsunami and I wanted to run and scream. I develop a headache because I don't want to scare Rosela and Said because they are having a hard time also. I feel like at the beginning and all the memories starting coming back. The moment the ambulance came home and you went to the hospital. The day you were released from the hospital and on the way home you told me "Lin, I promise you baby that I will start to take better care of myself because I want to live longer and be with you always. You then asked me if I woudl help you and I answered " Yes, Carlos, I will do whatever it takes to help you because I love you and also want you here." You were so happy to be out of the hospital and ready to take better care of yourself. The following day without any warning you had a cardiac arrest and went into a coma. I remember my last words to you minutes before you suffered the cardiac arrest telling you that I love you and you said I love you also. I left the house for 15 minutes and then I get that horrible call that you had a cardiac arrest. I never got to talk to you again because you went into that darn coma. For two months I sat by your side and prayed to God to please make you get better. i promised, begged and pleaded with him to make you well again but it was not to be so. I hate July 4th because that is the day God took you away from us. I may be a happy day for many people but for me it will always be the worst day of my life. I wish that day never existed and you could still be here with me to hold and never let go. Today all the memories came rushing back and it brought tears streaming down. I went to do some grocery shopping earlier at Walmart and I remember the times that you and I would go there. You would disappear into the electronic or the kitchen looking for items. I still have so much kitchen gagets that you purchased that I don't even know what they are for and why you got them. I remember when you would start explaining to me what you plan to cook for us and where the ingredients come from and where it is best to buy them. Carlos, I miss you so much and it is so hard to keep going. I pray everyday for God to have you safe and sound. I ask him to please let you know that I love you and miss you. i ask him to make sure you are with your family so you don't feel alone. I love you honey.
Love
Linda
I thought that I was progressing and was ready to move forward but today I had a setback. I was having dinner with the kids when I realize that you will never be at our dinner table again and it hit me like a tsunami and I wanted to run and scream. I develop a headache because I don't want to scare Rosela and Said because they are having a hard time also. I feel like at the beginning and all the memories starting coming back. The moment the ambulance came home and you went to the hospital. The day you were released from the hospital and on the way home you told me "Lin, I promise you baby that I will start to take better care of myself because I want to live longer and be with you always. You then asked me if I woudl help you and I answered " Yes, Carlos, I will do whatever it takes to help you because I love you and also want you here." You were so happy to be out of the hospital and ready to take better care of yourself. The following day without any warning you had a cardiac arrest and went into a coma. I remember my last words to you minutes before you suffered the cardiac arrest telling you that I love you and you said I love you also. I left the house for 15 minutes and then I get that horrible call that you had a cardiac arrest. I never got to talk to you again because you went into that darn coma. For two months I sat by your side and prayed to God to please make you get better. i promised, begged and pleaded with him to make you well again but it was not to be so. I hate July 4th because that is the day God took you away from us. I may be a happy day for many people but for me it will always be the worst day of my life. I wish that day never existed and you could still be here with me to hold and never let go. Today all the memories came rushing back and it brought tears streaming down. I went to do some grocery shopping earlier at Walmart and I remember the times that you and I would go there. You would disappear into the electronic or the kitchen looking for items. I still have so much kitchen gagets that you purchased that I don't even know what they are for and why you got them. I remember when you would start explaining to me what you plan to cook for us and where the ingredients come from and where it is best to buy them. Carlos, I miss you so much and it is so hard to keep going. I pray everyday for God to have you safe and sound. I ask him to please let you know that I love you and miss you. i ask him to make sure you are with your family so you don't feel alone. I love you honey.
Love
Linda
Replies
So sorry Linda. Hang in there. .hugs, Shirley
Linda, I am right where you are, I don\'t know why but I feel as though I am back near the start again, it must just be part of the journey. It will feel better than this again, I know it will!
Awww no words can express how your feeling. I do feel your pain though, little things especially at a time like dinner when you and your partner share your thoughts on the day and talk to the kids is one of the most precious and rewarding memories in life. When your heart drops keep your head up and know that just behind you your partner is giving you a big hug :) kia kaha from new zealand xo
Linda, better days are ahead. Stay strong. kip.
Linda,
I feel the same as you. It was 31 weeks yesterday and the reality of it all seems to be coming back all of the time with even more pain. I keep on finding all of these electronic gadgets that I have no clue about. He was an electronics engineer and always buying the latest \"something.\" So when I find one of these I start feeling worse. Please take care. You are not alone out there, all we can do is hope for better days ahead.
Linda, I am sorry you are having a hard time. The last words you said to your Carlos is that you love him and I know there you wanted to say so much more, that was also our last conversation...we can\'t go back, only forward. I hope you are in a better place today. XO Sabine
Linda, today is 7 months for me. Time has not taken away the pain and the memories just hurt. I feel for you. Like you, his last coherent words were I love you. I would give anything to here them again. Hugs,
Kathy