feeling better
today i feel better. the other night i really felt like shit. i had something come up in my life that i just did not know how to handle. so maybe i can write it here and maybe some of you will be able to help. here goes... my 9 y.o. niece told her sister this weekend to stop playing with her penis. when asked where she heard this word at she said, "from chris". she is staying with her dad, his friends lisa, elaine, and elaine's son, chris. so, what i want to know is why is this 20y.o. man talking about his penis in front of my niece. and what is he doing with his penis? should i be as worried as i am or am i overreacting????? my sis says i should deal with it and should take care of it. but how can i without losing my mind? please won't someone help and give me some advice. thank-you!!!!
Replies
first, i wud get more info from my niece about exactly what happened with Chris. and try to stay calm. if she can feel ur anxiety, she may think she\'s done something wrong and shut down (which will make it 2x as hard to get the info u need to deal w/this situation). secondly, u shud talk to her dad and elaine. confront them together and insist that they deal with chris and make sure this never happens again. also, i think it might be a good idea if u confront ur brother-in-law and his friend with ur sister. u might not want to have this conversation alone with them. witnesses are always a good thing in cases of neglect or abuse (not that i\'m saying that\'s what happened-i certainly hope not). i just think u might benefit from having someone on your side when u bring this up.
now if chris has done something inappropriate, get ur niece counseling, and PRESS CHARGES - NO MATTER WHAT ELAINE SAYS. even if they think they can handle chris, they can\'t. chris needs help and ur niece needs to be removed from that house.
i can\'t imagine how difficult this is for u. the important thing to remember is that no matter how scared u are, no matter how many bad memories this brings back for u, u have to act as an advocate for ur niece. i know u love her and u want her to have a good life and a happy childhood. staying focused on what\'s best for her is what will give u courage now.
thank you it helps
the family kind of confused me. is she \'living\' with her dad, or just \'staying\' there visiting? talk to her calmly and just go over some of the conversations and make sure shes ok. dont really focus on asking her anything sexual, but make sure you put a serious tone and just let her know that stuff like that isnt appropriate in front of her and if she ever needs someone to talk to without that kind of language, that she can count on you. problems will solve themselves after that.
With society the way it is, it seems fair to think the worse.
((hugs))
she was living with me but 1.5 months ago her dad took her back to live with him. i will take your advice thank you.
You know how I feel on this subject, when it comes to children, you can never be too safe.. Act on your feeling.. Something is not right, regardless, if it\'s just talk. It\'s inapproiate. You are awesome, for not letting it slide.. Strength and courage.. We have to be children\'s advocates.. No one was there for us.. Hugs..
you are right. no one was there for us. and we do have to be there for our children. i wish her mom was here because she was a good mom and this would not be happening.
i wished that you brought this up when we last chatted, i agree with confronting the father and his girlfriend, with your sister or someone that you know will stay in control, its not going to be easy as we run with the worse case senario, so stay calm take in a deep breath and do it, your mind will not stop haunting you until you do, you have taken the responsability for her somewhere down the line, be brave and take big breaths, stay calm and you\'ll think this through and will get the courage to follow your instinct.
big hugs for you, you are awesome