Feeling bad today !

  Today has been a terrable day for me.  I have felt so ackey mostly in my arms and chest but I think I played too hard with my Grandson last night and I'm not use to that.  He is such a fun little guy and loves me so much as I can tell the way he hugs on me !!.  I called my son and told him I think I will stay home tonight and rest up. lol  I am having the tree service man come back Tuesday to clean up the 8 or 9 trees that are still laying in my yard.  He charges 45 per hour but said he can cut alot of wood in 3 or 4 hours.  My oldest son had planned on cutting them up for firewood to sell this fall but he isn't able to take care of anything this week.  He was doing so good till last Saturday, he started drinking again and hasn't stopped.  I just text him wanting to know if he was okay or needed anything and he text me back, "I'm okay."  So I guess that is all I get.  His x-wife called me wanting me to take the kids clothes shopping for school.  I told her I would, probably Monday, will be busy Tuesday as the wood service will be here and I don't want to be away too long.  Man!!  I wish it would cool up a few degrees !!  So hard for me to be out in the heat.  I am supposed to get blood work done in one week and then within two weeks there are re-schedualing me for the heart cath.  I am hopefull that BCBS will help me out with the bill.  They won't if they can get out of it !!  I dread the heart cath so much !! It is so very scarey to me !!  I hope they just knock me out and wake me when it's over !!  Maybe they will if I tell them how terrified I am.! ( I'm not smoking the day of the heart cath, just to let anyone know )BUT     My DIL gave me a big bud of pot, my son said one puff would be all I need, so I probably won't smoke any, I mean ONE puff ?  That is rather scarey in it's self !!  I just want to sleep for petes' sake !!  I don't use any thing like that but I am on some very strong pain meds that I am weaning off of.  It's tough, my pain levels are coming back and I just dread the withdrawl that i'm sure is coming.  AND to top it all off, my Dr. is moving and I am not sure where just yet.  Damn, I will miss her !! She has been wonderful to me during my husbands' illness.  She said she had his Type A personality figured out from the start and that she felt sorry for me in knowing what I was going thru trying to take care of him.  He was good in so many ways but the ways we needed him the most in showing his love, sometimes he would really try, I could tell, he just wasn't there for me or my sons.   He was going thru so much in dealing with his mortality,  how can  I say more.  Only God Bless him and take care of him.  Even tho I will always miss him and the good times we use to have years ago.  I try to think of that. Well, I guess I have said just abt. all that is on my beany little brain. lol   I guess I will try to get ready for bed in a little while and hope for a nice long sleep.