Feeling Ashamed of Myself

I had a rough day today. I couldn't get out of bed, and I ate like crazy. I spent a bunch of money on pizza, which I didn't really eat, but what I did eat made me feel terrible. I  wish I had stopped earlier because my weight was still pretty low. But I feel like I need to stop doing a few things which only self-sabotage me. Things like weighing in embed so much anxiety in me. And going on social media is really difficult for me to manage. I always feel like "why am I talking to these people? None of these people are my friends!"

I will never be friends with certain people, and for some reason I still feel a strange desire to win them over and impress them. Why can't I just work to win over my own self-respect? Why can't I just focus on earning my own love?