Feeling Angry

Six months ago I met my daughter in another state. She finally had the guts to tell me to my face why she wasn't speaking to me. The allegation she gave was totally unfounded. It was a complete and fabricated lie. Her mother and brother (my son) was all there on her side and giving and  credence to her story. My wife was with me and at first I was afraid that she was going to turn away from me also but thank God she believes in me. I realized from that event that I had lost my family. I cried tears almost like the ones a person sheds at a funeral when the realization that a loved is gone and isn't coming back. You see I can handle losing my two adult children but what hurts the most is the two precious grandkids I loved so much. I have been banished from their lives.

Tonight I had to shred pictures of my two adult children. I shred every picture I had of them from childhood into adulthood. Maybe it's my way of having their funeral and realizing they are gone. It's funny though, I still pray that someday they will apologize and realize what they've done to me. But tonight I am feeling so much anger I think I would reject their phone calls. I'm not a hungry desperate dog looking for someone to throw me a bone. I don't care if they ever call me or pay attention to me because they have hurt me so that I've just about completely lost whatever love or respect I ever had for them.

I was a good father, not a perfect father. I went to their games and band concerts. I was there for them. I am still paying on a student loan for my ungrateful college graduate son. My daughter shutting me out of her life and the trouble she caused me and the lies she's told, makes me almost even regret she was ever born.

I'm dealing with reality that I never dreamed I would ever have to face. I know it's going to get better. I am learning face life the way it is not the way I wish it was.