Feeling alone

I emailed two dear people today and told them how much I'm struggling with my lupus diagnosis and symptoms. Neither has responded. One has been posting on Facebook. I know she is tired from a long trip, but I need a friend. T seemed down tonight. He played a game with SL all evening while I lay in bed, then turned on a TV show while I tried to sleep. I expect him to get depressed and sing terribly and drunkly to sad songs soon. I feel triggered to self harm when he does that, though I don't tell him that because he needs to feel sad sometimes so he can move past those feelings. I really needed comfort tonight. Today was my last day at work for a while. I don't know how long. I don't know how or when I am going to get better. I won't allow myself to say "if". Why have you removed my comforters, God? That is probably a wrong accusation, but it feels true right now. I am hurting physically and in my heart. Why do I also have to feel so alone?