Feeling Alone
I feel so alone. I can't believe just a year ago, I thought my life was heading in a great direction. i was so happy. Between my husband's gambling addiction, lies, and Simon's death, I feel like someone has pulled my heart out of my chest. I can't seem to get myself back. I feel like a part of me has died. Will it always feel like this? Am I destined to always lose things that I love. When I was 7 my mother committed suicide after a long battle of drug abuse, when I was 16, my brother died of leukemia. When I was 47, my father ended our relationship, after I confronted him about the years of emotional and physical abuse. I feel like when I turn a corner, I'm thrust into another dead end. If it wasn't for my son, I would feel suicide would be the only way out of this life that I just can't seem to get a break. I've been running into obstacles all my life, I'm so tired of being on the losing end. Simon meant everything to me. Why did I pick him up? Why did he wiggle out of my grasp and fall to his death? I really don't see how I can forgive myself. I wish so badly this pain would end.
Replies
As I struggle to find the right words to say to you, I need you to know that you are NOT ALONE. I am praying for you. You loved Simon and your Boo Boo loved you too. That is FOREVER! As difficult as it is, you need to concentrate on the loving memories you shared with your Boo Boo. Sending positive thoughts and lots of hugs your way...
Cookie\'s Mom
Sandra
I wish there was a magic pill to take the pain away. Please allow yourself time to heal and let go of the blame you feel. I\'ve been told by people here that you should not feel guilty if you did not intentionally harm your baby. We are only human and can\'t control everything. ITw as a tragic accident and as I\'ve said before, my heart breaks thinking of what you went through at the time.
Life is worth living, even if it doesn\'t feel like it right now. I\'m glad you have your son to hold onto. Know that you are not alone and that there are people that care (including those of us who met you here on DS). Hold onto the happy memories you have of your little boo boo.
Sending love your way.
Hugs
Nancy
xoxo
I\'m so sorry you\'re feeling so low, but, like Sandra and Nancy said, you\'re not alone. I cannot say I know how you feel, if I\'d been through everything you describe, I\'d probably be in a psychiatric ward now, but I know about guilt, it is vicious, please don\'t give in to it. Please hold on to the love and happy memories you shared with your boo boo. take care! xoxo
im so sorry your feeling so low and can totally understand you feeling like its never going to end with all youve been through,time after time.its hard to know what to say to you,just that your not alone.as hard as it is to do try to hold on to those happy memories you had with simon and focus on your son and hopefully you will find the strenght to go on.its going to take time for you to begin healing,hugs to you xx
HELLO YOU ARE NOT ALONE, WE ALL HAVE TRIALS AND ADVERSITY, STILL WE HAVE TO GO ON, AND DO THE BEST EACH DAY, WHATEVER HAPPEND, FORGIVE YOURSELF, SO SORRY ABOUT THE GAMBLING, HOPE THAT YOU SEE A BIT OF SUNSHINE IN THIS SAD TIMES, LIFE GOES ON, LOVE L***