Feeling Alone
I'm in a lot of pain right now.
I had to talk myself out of worrying it was something worse than it is. well, not worrying. I wouldn't ever worry about having a bad illness, so worry was the wrong choice of words. I guess what I meant to say was, I had to convince myself that all this pain could really just be from my fibromyalgia and not something like bone cancer or something.
I just hurt so bad. the pain is coming constantly. I don't know what to do. what's worse is that I have NOBODY to tell this to. NOBODY.
I am alone ALL DAY LONG. And then, when my girlfriend gets home, she does NOT want to hear how sick I feel.
I put in a call to my neurologist that my new meds are obviously not strong enough or something. I almost called a rheumetologist, because I am not so sure that is who should be treating me, but, since the neurologist is the one who put me on this med, I figured I should let him play with this med first, since it has only been a month.
I hate being like this. I feel like a baby. I am not like this. I used to be a much stronger person.
I had to talk myself out of worrying it was something worse than it is. well, not worrying. I wouldn't ever worry about having a bad illness, so worry was the wrong choice of words. I guess what I meant to say was, I had to convince myself that all this pain could really just be from my fibromyalgia and not something like bone cancer or something.
I just hurt so bad. the pain is coming constantly. I don't know what to do. what's worse is that I have NOBODY to tell this to. NOBODY.
I am alone ALL DAY LONG. And then, when my girlfriend gets home, she does NOT want to hear how sick I feel.
I put in a call to my neurologist that my new meds are obviously not strong enough or something. I almost called a rheumetologist, because I am not so sure that is who should be treating me, but, since the neurologist is the one who put me on this med, I figured I should let him play with this med first, since it has only been a month.
I hate being like this. I feel like a baby. I am not like this. I used to be a much stronger person.
Replies
I am sorry that you are feeling bad both physically, then emotionally for not being stronger. Pain affects all of us, and it is miserable to deal with, for me some days are better than others. There are lots of groups here at ds that help many of us cope with what we cannot change.
I\'m just now reading this, but I wanted to comment. I completely understand where you\'re coming from. Somehow the pain steals more than just our social calendar - it steals our identity. Who we used to be is no longer who we are, and I am just coming to understand that yes I may get back to being that person, but there is also a chance I may not. And so I must allow myself to grieve for what was lost. It is a death, of sorts. The plans we had, the everyday tasks that have become unendurable, the normal day-to-day life that we (or at least I) took so much for granted is changed. Possibly forever.
And so we must take time to mourn that which was lost before we can even begin to look at what our lives are going to look like now. Immense pain in the midst of feeling alone and trying to work out a med cocktail that can give at least some relief can be beyond exhausting. And only a strong person can make the decision to know what they are going to face that day and still get out of bed in the morning. You see, you are still strong. You are stronger now than you have ever been, in fact. It\'s just a different kind of strength. But it is earned, just like war wounds, and the simple fact that you are pushing through and still living your life in spite of odds that would fell many others is a testament to your enduring strength. So take pride in that, and let it wrap you in some modicum of comfort as you navigate these choppy waters.