Feeling a bit blue...but not too bad I guess

I've been kind of down in the dumps the last few weeks. I'm busy with work but totally unmotivated with the work I'm doing but I feel I would be unmotivated regardless right now. I'm not sure why. I can't put a finger on the exact issue...just kind of blah. The Kid and I went out last Friday and meet my uncle after work. We had fun but I was in such a nasty mood (like I said!). I feel bad because the Kid started talking to these girls and they were hot but I wasn't in the mood to deal. Oh well.   I went to the eye doctor because my left eye was bugging me. It appears I have a dry patch on my eye...yep! Why not. So I have to use eye drops 4x a day. They are expensive! Hopefully this works otherwise I have to go back in 2 weeks.  It's been dreary here the last few days...matching my mood I guess! Sunday I went out with my parents and aunts. We had a nice day and had pizza at my favorite place so that was cool. I feel bad for my dad. He gets out of breath quickly because of that stupid mesothelioma. I guess nobody knows what's next.   It's supposed to rain all weekend so that's not helping the situation. I'd like to go out but at the same time where to go? Shadyside is fine every few weeks. The Sq sucks! South Side is for kids. My problem is I have no clue what I want right now. I'm out from under that mess of last year but I still don't feel too good about that whole situation. The fact I got myself so screwed up shakes the confidence a bit. Live and learn I suppose.   I really feel blah today and yesterday was bad too. Up until recently I was feeling pretty good. I had short bursts of feeling down but this is the first multi-day blues fest since last years nightmare. I don't think I'm heading into that mess again, just hitting a low note right now. I'm not sure what will bring me out of this mood.   It seems when something new is going on that helps but I'm out of ideas for new stuff. At least the online dating thing was new and it kept me interested for a few months. Now it's like...what else do I do? I've grown tired of the online thing so I cancelled my account. I need something new to peak my interest. I've been playing my guitar and that has been fun plus a good distraction but I find I enjoy playing more when I feel like things are going my way. It's hard to play, or do anything for that matter, when you are depressed.   My depression doesn't seem to always have an immediate trigger. I think I expected a lot from that date I had which is dumb I know but it seemed like it would work out. I guess you can't really know someone from a picture and a brief description! The thing is I don't know what the hell I want! It's like I enjoy my alone time but I would like a girlfriend but I don't really want to fall into that routine again. My sex drive is at about zero so it's not like I'm just looking for someone to sleep with! That worries me as well. I guess I could blame it on the depression. Everything is still in "working" order I just have little desire. I would more like to just share time with someone that allows us to compliment each other. I'm not sure exactly how to describe what I'm looking for but I'll know it when I find it. It's more a feeling then anything else. Call it what you will, a spark, chemistry, love, lust, I'm sure there are a million ways to say it but that's one thing I am and have been missing for a long time. The last time I had that feeling was when T and I started dating in like 2003! Before that it was my ex-wife and to be honest that's about it! I don't know if that's a good thing because I'm picky or a bad thing because I can't freakin connect with anyone! I'm starting to think it's a bad thing as I feel a bit empty without that feeling and it's been so rare that I've actually had it to enjoy.   Like I keep telling myself...this too shall pass. Good, bad or otherwise nothing lasts forever and eventually it passes. It just seems the good times are always short and fleeting and the bad times are long and drawn-out. I guess we'll see what the future brings...God knows I have no clue!!!