Feeling 1 million emotions...and they're all bad
Today was horrible in my mind. I was on the verge of crying all day at work. I am feeling stressed, depressed, panicky, lonely, like a misfit, uncool, disconnected from people, non-relate able, friendless, angry, scared, anxious, and just plain sad.
My son is turning 5 and I am having a birthday party for him. We invited his whole preschool class (12 kids, not including him) plus family and 5 other families. I was expecting to have a big party for him. Not a single kid from his class is coming. Our family (adults plus one much older cousin) and 3 families are coming. So it's not that No one will be there, but I am really really hurt that not a single kid from his class will be there. What does this mean?
No one likes my son? Does he not fit it?
No one likes me?
No one likes my parties?
And what do I tell my son??? A girl in his class is having her party at the same time but just invited the girls. So I wasn't expecting them. But that's just 5. There are 7 boys. Not a single one. And, to top it off, no one even RSVPed. The RSVP date is tomorrow but I sent out a reminder asking for yeses AnD nos cause only 2 of 12 even bothered to acknowledge that we had sent invitations. So hurt. I guess I felt more of a connection with these kids and families since my son has gone to this place since 10 weeks old. I felt a sense of togetherness that apparently just isn't there.
I just need friends who are really there for me. I don't have anyone to turn to. I only have a handful of superficial friends - and by superficial I mean that we don't talk about our well being and fears and I don't feel comfortable reaching out to them because honestly I don't feel like I really know who they are.
I would love to open up to people but is everyone just happy in life or do they just not want to share or do they have support coming elsewhere so they don't need me ?
I see people texting ALL the time. Who do they talk to? I want a friend that constantly texts me and shares everything with me. Sometimes I looks at communes and am jealous because of the closeness of people around working together. I look forward to a nursing home where I belong and can play bingo each night. Can you tell I need friends????
I am so shy and socially awkward and out of touch with movies and pop culture that I don't relate I guess. I am feeling stuck and lonely and very, very depressed.
My son is turning 5 and I am having a birthday party for him. We invited his whole preschool class (12 kids, not including him) plus family and 5 other families. I was expecting to have a big party for him. Not a single kid from his class is coming. Our family (adults plus one much older cousin) and 3 families are coming. So it's not that No one will be there, but I am really really hurt that not a single kid from his class will be there. What does this mean?
No one likes my son? Does he not fit it?
No one likes me?
No one likes my parties?
And what do I tell my son??? A girl in his class is having her party at the same time but just invited the girls. So I wasn't expecting them. But that's just 5. There are 7 boys. Not a single one. And, to top it off, no one even RSVPed. The RSVP date is tomorrow but I sent out a reminder asking for yeses AnD nos cause only 2 of 12 even bothered to acknowledge that we had sent invitations. So hurt. I guess I felt more of a connection with these kids and families since my son has gone to this place since 10 weeks old. I felt a sense of togetherness that apparently just isn't there.
I just need friends who are really there for me. I don't have anyone to turn to. I only have a handful of superficial friends - and by superficial I mean that we don't talk about our well being and fears and I don't feel comfortable reaching out to them because honestly I don't feel like I really know who they are.
I would love to open up to people but is everyone just happy in life or do they just not want to share or do they have support coming elsewhere so they don't need me ?
I see people texting ALL the time. Who do they talk to? I want a friend that constantly texts me and shares everything with me. Sometimes I looks at communes and am jealous because of the closeness of people around working together. I look forward to a nursing home where I belong and can play bingo each night. Can you tell I need friends????
I am so shy and socially awkward and out of touch with movies and pop culture that I don't relate I guess. I am feeling stuck and lonely and very, very depressed.
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