feelin upset and furious

my mother still after about a year past ofa distaster
talks about my father whos dead to me
resion fo r that shel only be explained in foggy details becase i dowant to reer who he is infact i want him to die like a forgotten memory ifeel in long term thats the worst fate any one can expirance that has done wrong even acntent egyptwouldagree
any howhe the man who i now disown as both blood and father dich  my family and cared only about himse and left me to clean up after his respncability
WHEN WILL I BE ABLE TO FINALY KILL HIM AS A FORGOTTEN MEMORY from my mind!!! =-(",",",
i have no understanding how to cope or deal with this  all i have are friends to support me and undrstand
ps hes not ever able to be forgivin esphily now that hes not makinga point to atleast  disptie my   feelings about that pig he now not even seeming to bother to show up at my sisters wedding
 i mean thats too low to be a father figure at all  if hes puttering around like some lazy slobing pig then hs better of truning into the invisable man w/ no arms or legs so then every one would ignor him and so then he cant do nothing but suffer