Feelin' Down

 
Once again it's about the finances. I feel like I can never keep up. Well, I could if...The problem is that I can't control what other people do, just what I do. Which means: I need to figure out what to do.
 
Last night, H was asking if we were going camping this year. I said I think so (I believe it's in our means; it usually is). Then he asked about going to North Carolina (he has family down there). My first thought was, "Not if you're not working!" But what I said was, "With gas prices going up & you not working, I don't see how we can do it." He had to agree.
 
But since then, I've been feeling down. I mean, he's not doing *anything* about this situation. Oh, he'll look at a "help wanted" ad or even pick up an application, but that's as far as it gets. He even keeps up his security guard license, but doesn't use it for anything.
 
I think he believes that he needs to be more loving to me, like saying "I love you" more & giving me more "you're cute/you're nice" garbage (sorry, but I'm sick of it). No. What I need is to say (& mean), "I've got a full-time job!" or "I want to do all I can to make this situation work."
 
Yeah, the 2nd one would mean A LOT. I guess I wouldn't feel as alone in this struggle. I would feel that we're in it together. When 2 people work together--really work together--they can accomplish so much!
 
I hate that I'm doing 90% of it all. (Yes, I will give him his 10%. Maybe 15%.) Not just working, but doing the cleaning that he will not do, making all the appointments, doing 1/2 - 2/3 of the driving of the kids, doing all the actual financial planning. And he works part-time & does his 10-15% around here & thinks that is "so much" & that he's "so busy".
 
And yes, I know that things aren't always equitable & there are times where you need to step up to the plate. I'm OK with that. But I think we're beyond that point. I mean, I was thinking that once the kids are out of school (maybe even before that?) that I should get a part-time job at night and/or on the weekends. And the other side of me is like, why, when he doesn't even have the full-time job & he'll just spend that $?
 
I'm going to say it, just because it needs to be said & knowing that it won't change anything: IT IS NOT FAIR!!!
 
So contemplating/feeling all this is affecting my mood today. Everything is on my last nerve & I don't want it to be.
 
That's all.