.....feelin blue.....

Today, is the first day since last Thursday that I am alone at home again. My better half has been home with me since Friday. We've had doctors visits to get me to. Of course I had been obessing about them and worrying about them. Yesterday was my visit to the cardiologist regarding whether or not I needed a stress test. He seemed fairly unconcerned about my anxiety about the whole situation. He seemed to think that if we just got my blood pressure controlled everything else would be fine. He reviewed my records from my ER visit and figured that I wasn't in need of a stress test, but an echo cardogram?.... which is scheduled for the 17th. MOre time off for Trink.... I actually felt really good yesterday, as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I cried from relief. I was apparently worried over something simple. With diet and exercise things will get better..... Sometimes, I get tired of hearing that. I know I need to change my thinking and believe more in myself. Trust the doctors to know what they are doing. Some days it's really hard to do. This morning, for instance.....I woke up feeling "shakey" I don't know how else to describe it. Like being on a cliff ready to fall...leaning over the edge or something. I cried after Trink went to work. I sat and watched TBN for a little bit and finally caved and called the prayer line. I asked her to pray for my anxiety, doubt and worry that I know is not of God...and she did....and I cried. Afterwards, I prayed fervently, on my own. I took a Xanax. I slept for an hour. When I woke, I told myself I need to move. I walked for 12 minutes constantly. It was hard, but I did it. My muscles worked and my heart didn't give out. I'm trying to feel good about that..... Anyone else know what I"m talking about? Thanks for listening...