Feelings
It's all to do with feelings. Moods, emotions...The same day from a good mood point of view can be so blissful-but when the chips are down and you feel blue you can't hope to get your spirits up.
I have had a lot of change in my life since I left Dunedin. Kevin and i moved to Alexandra, but he couldn't find much work there that he liked and we fell apart. I dont need to spell out what happened but suffice it to say I found myself in Auckland in a new relationship just a week after the old one had finished. Then Bryan & I began fighting, I sold my house and began to spend the money, I developed severe depression -returned to Dunedin and Kevin but that didn't work out. The I returned to Auckland and Bryan and I stayed together another 3 years or so, till I found a horrid little flat and moved out. Then i had to move again, then I met Ivan and decideed on the spur of a manic fit to mov in here with him.
All was well for about a month, then I went really far down for 15 weeks. Since then I've had a couple more ups and downs. Today I'm feeling OK, just OK but better than I have felt in the past.
So much change. How do I get a handle on the correct balance for me of enough change to keep life interesting and too much that is a cause of stress...leading to depression.
Depression caused by an inability to control ones environment. With Bryan and all our fights I had no choice but to ride them out, but he could fight all day and all night and still be wanting to pursue it. My alleged misdeeds.
But I did love Bryan too and the combination of that plus nowhere to go was a vise on my mood. Weeks of depression.
I need to be able to step back from my sad mood and take each day as it comes. Expect nothing and I wont be disappointed. Celebrate the good things that do come my way.
Ive just got changed for a funeral of a distant rellie of ivan's. My bottom looks big and my jacket looks a bit scruffy. Aaaarrrggghhhh....Trousers are too short as well.
But I nebver look at what others are wearing so maybe no one will notice...
Day One of my new diet. Started off with tea and toast as we always do, but at the funeral I will need to pass pretty much on everything. I am 69.6ks and I want to be 64 by Christmas. Or less if possible. But Ivan says this is a big ask-Ill be grateful to not be going up further anyway.
Not sure if this is 300 words- really havent got a lot more to say....just need to keep my spirits up and be hopeful.
Ivan is cutting me some carrots, having just ironed my jacket. He is so kind to me
I have had a lot of change in my life since I left Dunedin. Kevin and i moved to Alexandra, but he couldn't find much work there that he liked and we fell apart. I dont need to spell out what happened but suffice it to say I found myself in Auckland in a new relationship just a week after the old one had finished. Then Bryan & I began fighting, I sold my house and began to spend the money, I developed severe depression -returned to Dunedin and Kevin but that didn't work out. The I returned to Auckland and Bryan and I stayed together another 3 years or so, till I found a horrid little flat and moved out. Then i had to move again, then I met Ivan and decideed on the spur of a manic fit to mov in here with him.
All was well for about a month, then I went really far down for 15 weeks. Since then I've had a couple more ups and downs. Today I'm feeling OK, just OK but better than I have felt in the past.
So much change. How do I get a handle on the correct balance for me of enough change to keep life interesting and too much that is a cause of stress...leading to depression.
Depression caused by an inability to control ones environment. With Bryan and all our fights I had no choice but to ride them out, but he could fight all day and all night and still be wanting to pursue it. My alleged misdeeds.
But I did love Bryan too and the combination of that plus nowhere to go was a vise on my mood. Weeks of depression.
I need to be able to step back from my sad mood and take each day as it comes. Expect nothing and I wont be disappointed. Celebrate the good things that do come my way.
Ive just got changed for a funeral of a distant rellie of ivan's. My bottom looks big and my jacket looks a bit scruffy. Aaaarrrggghhhh....Trousers are too short as well.
But I nebver look at what others are wearing so maybe no one will notice...
Day One of my new diet. Started off with tea and toast as we always do, but at the funeral I will need to pass pretty much on everything. I am 69.6ks and I want to be 64 by Christmas. Or less if possible. But Ivan says this is a big ask-Ill be grateful to not be going up further anyway.
Not sure if this is 300 words- really havent got a lot more to say....just need to keep my spirits up and be hopeful.
Ivan is cutting me some carrots, having just ironed my jacket. He is so kind to me
Replies
The job is getting it out of your system and you did a wonderful job of that! Write it out!