Feeling........

Gosh, I haven't been around for so long.....I guess that happens. I miss you all so much, and wish I could get myself out of this funk I've been in. I'm mostly a happy person, but sometimes life distracts me and I get overwhelmed.  Yesterday, my friend and neighbor passed away unexpectedly. It was shocking and scary to me. She was 52 years old and "seemed" is good health. Her sister came over yesterday morning to tell me that it had just happened. I, of course began to panic about it. My fear of dying is irrational and frustrating. I know I should be doing more to take care of myself. And I should be trying harder.  It's annoying that I get depressed and down on myself. My neighbor had never gone to the doctor for anything, and had a family history of many, many heart related issues. Maybe they could've caught something going on with her, had she gone?  So, I've been walking with my dog the past couple of days. It's been so beautiful out. The info about my neighbor yesterday sort of stopped me in my tracks and paralyzed me. Ever feel like this? Anyone know what I'm talking about?  I have been really happy lately and feeling good and then WHAMO! this just knocked me back a few.  I really needed to just talk to you guys, I know I haven't been around. I'm trying...I really am.... I hope you guys are still here!  Love ya all! Big hugs and thanks for reading this far! Donna