Feel like killing myself
I've had feelings of just ending it all. Some moments worse than others. I've had a very bad year, very stressed and filled with anxiety from my living situation. Stuff with the very small family I have (I live with a friend and her husband and 13 year old daughter. my family does not live in the same state as me)
I don't feel happy with my friend, she can be very self absorbed and barely talks to me sometimes. They all went on vacation last week, it was my RARE opportunity to have this place to myself.
Well they came back Weds afternoon. I felt sick, just not having my own space, unless I want to lock myself away in my bedroom. I wish I had the money to move out. I've only just started making some money doing pet sitting and dog walking over the past year. It's not making me much money.
I haven't held a full time job in 8 years. I find the anxiety and stress overwhelming. I know I need to do something. But today I just don't feel like it matters anymore. That I matter anymore. who would really miss me if I were gone.
Sure those that used me and they don't have their personal maid (my friend, lazy and I do a lot of chores for them in return for this roof over my head)
I just wanted to tell someone about how I'm hurting. people who won't judge me or make me feel like I'm a bad person for screwing up my life.
I don't feel happy with my friend, she can be very self absorbed and barely talks to me sometimes. They all went on vacation last week, it was my RARE opportunity to have this place to myself.
Well they came back Weds afternoon. I felt sick, just not having my own space, unless I want to lock myself away in my bedroom. I wish I had the money to move out. I've only just started making some money doing pet sitting and dog walking over the past year. It's not making me much money.
I haven't held a full time job in 8 years. I find the anxiety and stress overwhelming. I know I need to do something. But today I just don't feel like it matters anymore. That I matter anymore. who would really miss me if I were gone.
Sure those that used me and they don't have their personal maid (my friend, lazy and I do a lot of chores for them in return for this roof over my head)
I just wanted to tell someone about how I'm hurting. people who won't judge me or make me feel like I'm a bad person for screwing up my life.
Replies
comforting hugs. Dear Lily, i\'ll always be here for you, our dear friend. i\'m so sorry you aren\'t feeling well, and have been experiencing a very emotional time. stress, and anxiety can overwhelmed us at times, and can make us feel very bad, but never give up. You have a wonderful life and future ahead of you, and you will have plenty of good times, to enjoy. i know times can get rough, and that depression can cloud up our happiness. we\'re stronger than depression, and the anxiety, and stress that affects us at times. things will get better. don\'t give up, and don\'t harm yourself. You have a life, it\'s a great blessing, and you are young, and have a full life ahead of you. we\'ll always be here to talk with you, anytime you need us. :) reach out to us, we are like a family here on ds, and can comfort, and uplift eachother :) please take good care, and remember, you are a wonderful person, and you will always have my support, and encouragement :) i\'m sending lots of love, many comforting hugs, and caring thoughts, and healing energy prayers, wishing you comfort, healing, and peace. :)
please take good care :)
Yes, I have been in that boat. I don\'t judge, but I sure have been judged for having to go back to my ex. When you don\'t have money to escape, you have to do a lot of things you don\'t wish to do, such as being a maid, going back to abuse and so on. Me? I try not to tell others what to do when it might come back to slap me in the face. When you don\'t have money, your hands are tied. I hope you can get full time work and be able to have a peaceful transition to paying all the dang bills. It worked for me for over 4 years, and now it has come back to slap me in the face. Hugs, and I read a journal of yours like this when we first me. They had went on vacation and you was happy they were gone. Must of been around the same time, I do believe. One thing we must all learn is to tell somebody else what to do might not be a good thing. I try to practice that. I wish you the best
Thank you guys for your kind words of support. I got out of the house, got a haircut. I felt a little.better. I spoke to.a.neighbor, I walk.her dog for her.
I come home to find a jury questionnaire waiting for me. I haven\'t had to deal with jury stuff since I was living on Long Island. I was born and raised there. A lot has changed. I lost my parents, the only real home I\'ve known and I am.self employed. As well as suffering from from depression and anxiety. I am.going to ask for and exemption.