Feel drunk with pain

So March 12 my husband left.  Again.  He has left me every spring for the past 4 years.  This time it's done.  He's been gone longer than he ever has.  2 days over 2 months and he has never made so many changes to his life and cut me out so thoroughly.  He will not return.  I have asked him, pleaded with him, begged him .... nothing.  I don't think he is actively seeing anyone in particular at the moment but it doesn't matter the intent is there just not the means and that's just as bad in my opinion.  
when he is around me he looks remorseful and seems to sometimes care.  He may hug me, he may look like he wants to say something but won't, twice he has had sex with me and the last time was special... to me.  He kissed me before he left, held me... but he still left and then he didn't communicate with me for 2 days until he texted me something about selling the house.  he doesn't want me.  he doesn't love me.  He's totally fine with having limited responsibility for the kids and seeing them once a week and every other weekend.  He's joined a baseball team, goes out till late at night, has new friends, deleted my family off his social media which hurt them a lot, he's making plans to sell the house me and the kid are living in... making money arrangements.
I'm not coping.  I can't eat or sleep.  I can't get him off my mind what is he doing and who is he seeing and what is he spending all this money on all of a sudden?  he take days off work who is he spending that time with?  
I couldn't get him to do anythign with me and the kids for years.  Now he's got a whole new life and schedule. 
I can't handle it.  I can't handle it.  I feel like I'm going to go crazy.  I am definately co dependant and addicted to the jerk.  I feel lonely and so sad.  I cry allllll the time I can't help it.  I'm frustrated with God for letting this happen to me and my boys.  
16 years... 16 years wasted.