Feel Cursed And Haunted by Memories of Him

I don't know how else to describe it except to say that I feel " Haunted " by Memories of My Ex-Boyfriend. I don't get WHY this is happening since He was an Abuser, and so the Relationship was definitely FAR from Perfect ! Lately I can't seem to do Anything without Thinking about Him, and I hate to even say it.. " Miss Him " ! I feel Ashamed to say that I " Miss Him ", especially after Everything He put Me through. It's Honestly NOT that I Miss Any of His Abuse ! OH Goodness NO ! I would NOT want to go through Any of That EVER Again. I don't Crave a " Bad Relationship ", the Way Some would probably accuse Me of doing. I don't think it's like that since I do DEFINITELY want to be Truly Happy ! I want Real Happiness with a Man that will Treat Me the Way that I Deserve to be Treated which is with True Love - True Respect - True Kindness - True Compassion - True Affection - True Understanding. I think You get the point. I want ALL of that, and to be Free to Show Him how Much I LOVE Him for giving Me ALL of that ! One of the Many things that truly Hurt Me about My Ex-Boyfriend was that He Never allowed Me to really get " Close " to Him. No matter how Much I told Him that I Loved Him, and simply wanted to be " Close " to Him... showing Him How Much I Wanted Him. All I wanted was to Simply be allowed to Touch Him, Hold Him, Kiss Him, and Hug Him. But with My Ex-Boyfriend NONE of those Things were " Allowed ". So taking this into consideration is it any wonder that it was Extremely difficult for Me to ever feel completely " In the Mood " when HE wanted to be " Close " to Me. Of course, I have to explain a little bit without going into exact specifics, that His " Close " wasn't the Same as Mine. His was basically the old " Wham - Bam - Thank You Mam " sort of thing. I'm sure a Lot of You out there know exactly what I mean. Another Way of putting it would be maybe to say.. " Going right to Home Plate without even Running around the Bases " ! NO Foreplay whatsoever ! What Passionate Person could tolerate that for the " Long Term " ?!?! I don't think many. I tried Many times to change His Ways about that, but NOTHING ever worked. Thinking back I'm positive now that it had a LOT to do with the " WALL " I felt over Time was growing Higher and Higher - and Stronger and Stronger - between Him and I. He seemed the definition of " Coldness " the Way He never even Tried to Understand how Much He was Hurting Me by basically " Pushing Me Away " the Way He did Constantly ! How could He NOT see that ? Was He BLIND ?!?! 
ALL of what I just said about My Ex-Boyfriend was just the tip of the iceberg about the Way He was with Me, and the " Living HELL " that He put Me through while He was Here. So WHY do I MISS HIM ?????? I know I shouldn't. WHY should I Miss Someone like that ? He doesn't deserve One Moment of My Thoughts, and I know this. Maybe it's as Simple as the Fact that I've felt so Damn LONELY lately ! I LONG for Someone to even Simply TALK TO... Someone to LAUGH WITH.. to Share Things With. You Know what I mean. WHO doesn't Long for simple Closeness ? We are as " Humans " Social Animals, I think. I think We're Born to be With Others. We're Meant to interact with Others, and when there's NO Interaction at ALL for some Time that's when it's like a " VOID " that You Long to Fill... Somehow. But, I know I've got to Remember that filling that " VOID " with the WRONG ONE for Me is NOT the Answer ! I've got to Remember that... even when Memories of Him Haunt Me the Way They've been doing. Somehow I've got to Shake Memories of My Ex-Boyfriend from My Mind... from My Heart.. and from My Soul !