Fed up
Another weekend has gone by and I've blown all my money at the casino.I keep feeding those slot machines thinking I'll win back all that I've spent.It never happens, you never win it back ..... even those ODD times that you do win something you put it all back into the machines....... I KNOW THIS, yet I keep playing, I know it's so crazy but I can't stop myself when I'm there.Then the worry starts after I've blown my money and wonder how the heck I'm going to scramble to pay the bills. I'm a grown woman, I should know better, I should be responsible. I say all the right things to myself when I've lost all my money, after payday I think Oh Maybe I'll be lucky and my car turns into the casino parking lot.I'm so sick of myself, I hate this, I hate hating myself. I'm so ashamed of myself.The real test for me is the weekends .. .I dont' go to a casino during the week, but come Friday or Saturday my car automatically pulls into the parking lot. I have notes in my wallet to remind me how horrible I will feel when I lose my money. I gotta stop this ....... Please, Please someone talk some sense into me. I truly, want and need support.
Replies
Hi Joan, Welcome to DS. Most of us here have been in the same place you are now, if you read the post and journals of the members here I think it will help you. You Just have to stop one day at a time. Thats all just one day at a time. Please read the post and advice questions here, you will get so many answers. You can see all the pain and damage that gambling has caused. Come here and write in your journal and then when you get the urges to go to the casino you can go back and read what you wrote. Again Welcome it does get better.
Steph
Thank you Steph, I really appreciate your comment. You are my first comment that I\'ve received and today at work I was so hoping that there would be someone who would read my words and help with words of encouragement. For that I thank you. I know I\'m a sensible person, and for today I truly feel that I can get this gambling problem under control, and I\'m banking on others experience and stories to keep me strong. My worry is come Friday evening or Saturday afternoon and I get the urge to down down the street to the casino. Why did they open a casino less than five minutes from where I live.
I gotta stay strong and believe in myself. I want ME back.
Do what I do, when I\'m worried I will temped to go I make plans, I get on the phone and call someone to go and do something. Sunday I was at lose ends I called my son and we played golf, you just have to fill that time that you would be at the casino with something else. I know it\'s hard, but you can do it. You learn your trigger points and do what you have to do to defuse them. This is work but so worth it. Life is so much better gamble free. Come here and read that also helps me to stay out of the casino. The longer you go without gambling the more of yourself you get back. This journey is so worth it.
Hugs Steph
Hi... I hear you and I understand you. The \"little notes\" comment made me smile --- I do that too. Honestly though, when I get it in my head that I am going to the casino, nobody or no little note will stop me. That is what I am working on now, retraining my thought process, think before I act. I am better, but I have a long way to go. Heck... I just spent last weekend at the casino. But I have hope, and I have faith in myself. And I pray about it... I know I cant do this on my own, I\'ve proven that. You might want to consider getting rid of your access to cash. I have cut up bank and credit cards before. Makes it harder to just swing by the casino when you first have to go to the bank and withdraw money from your account. Also, I had the bank lower the amount of money I can withdraw. I might have $1,000 in my account, buy I cant get a penny more than $100 a day. Helps stop the bleeding while you get this \"addiction\" a little better under control. How about GA? Find a class on friday and saturday nights, you wont be gambling and you would be making new friends~! One day at a time....
Eastwester - sounds like you have it all figured out. Maybe one day I\'ll grow up and conquer my addiction too. Yup, i\'m addicted to gambling, and my car and ME need to learn to stay away from the casinos.