Fed up & Frustrated!!!!

  Well...things have been going fairly well for the last little while up until a few days ago. My soon to be ex husband is from South Africa & relocated to Canada in 1998 to be with me. Our daughter was born in 2000. We had planned a family vacation to there for 2010 but since the separation & impending divorce, I do not feel comfortable with him travelling with her there without me as I cannot be assured that he will return. For any mother that has seen the movie "Not Without My Daughter" this is a very real & terrifying thought. Even when she was small & we were supposedly "happily married" I had reservations of him taking her there without me. I have been so incredibly hurt & devastated by this whole ordeal & any trust that ever existed has been severed entirely. After discovering his lies that stem back to when we first met & all the lies since, he now expects me to trust him!! WTF!!!!!! He left his entire family, way of life, culture & country to come to Canada with me. Yes, granted, he did that for love (scoff!) but the fact remains that he did that with no reservations at all. On top of that, he has quit his job & we have sold our home & relocated twice because HE wasn't happy where he was. Throughout our marriage, he has spoken numerous times of moving to South America (????) & to Saudi Arabia (he could make good money there) and has repeatedly told me that he has never felt that he has any ties anywhere & frequently has the urge for change & adventure. All of that & the fact that I have not held back on being a bitch to him in recent months, leads me to the fear that he would have no conscience in hurting me in the only way there is left. We attended a meeting yesterday with a mediator to attempt to resolve any issues but specifically this one. He continues to portray that he is an upstanding man of integrity. Yes, many of my issues trace back to him leaving but I do truly feel a sincere fear of allowing our daughter to leave the country with her.  The other issue is that I will be relocating an hour away from where we live now in the fall to attend school & will only be 20 minutes to the Calais border. I have asked for his consent to be able to take her into the US for shopping trips & what have you as I am not a flight risk what so ever as my entire life & family are in NB, Canada. He is denying this request on the basis that I will not allow him the same liberty. I will not allow him that liberty as I feel even that is a risk to hand him her passport & then he could cross the border and then hop a plane to SA from there...... I am so frustrated & hurt & just emotionally exhausted in this whole matter. It kills me inside that I loved him so incredibly & now feel only hate, anger & resentment towards him. I am missing the man I once thought was my best friend & am facing an unknown chameleon in front of me. Of course, he is a business man & is very well spoken so others dont understand why I feel the way I do.....   Need to go cry & do laundry now.