February2025

February2025

Thursday, February 13, 2025

9:27 PM

Well February started on the down side. Hearing the loss of Merle's brother. I wanted to be with her for support but she was flatly against it which in reality she didn't want me around but I told her that I wanted to pay my respects to her brother as well but that didn't go well at all as she said it will be disrespectful but of course Annette was in the family photo. My so called replacement. Meaning that from the beginning I was replaced by her. No one can tell me that I wasn't. This  month I had to come to realization that I do not have a family any more, I guess you can say that I had to close the door. Communication with Merle has become more further apart than in previous months. I allowed her to use me for the taxes so I wouldn't have to pay this year. But I feel that next year will be a different story as I am going to have to increase the amount on taxes to be taken out. After the day that her brother past away I have not been myself and I feel after what happen I don't think that things will go back to normal. I am always thinking about the past whether I should have done things differently but it comes to if I stayed I would have been blind. I have come to the conclusion that later when time passed I was replaced by Annette. I keep on thinking to myself why did I let this happen or did I ever have control over it. Merle controlled her own destiny as she distance herself with me. I had my own battles to contend with and that was staying alive even thought I tried many times to commit suicide which never worked, I was always stopped by an unseen force to which I am thankful for. I finally got a background offer from an entertainment company I marked down for the 4 days and I ended getting 1 day another it was disappointing because I wanted the 4 days that would have been acceptable but ended up with one and 100 which only me making 30  but is was an extra 30 that I didn't have. At least I got paid from both places, I did get a response back from a photographer  from Model Mayhem. One thing for sure is that I will not do acting only to get cut, I will give monolog a try see how well I can do with that if there is any body looking.

So far my family is keeping more of a distance from me. Gabby I try to message her by asking how she and her family is doing but I don't get a response from her. I just feel like that I do not have a family anymore, it is devastating felling to have. I am still at Arby's and Walmart but with Walmart I feel that there is less pressure of stress than there is working at Arby's. I still have to wait till June in order to leave. Speaking of Walmart I think I got a raise from them as I got a message about wage theft, which is kind of strange that they would have it listed as such. I just wonder how much of an increase I am getting. But again I have to increase the amount of extra taxes to take out as it seems that I owe the IRS 1200 from what I am hearing from Merle, I just hope that we are going to file jointly but from what I know she hasn't done it yet which is kind of odd that she hasn't. Working at Arby's I am getting stressed out to much at least I a little better at Walmart but there it's putting up with stupidity from the customers and sometimes drives me nuts. as for my career I was supposed to spend 4 days doing a party guest for a wedding scene but only did 1 day and having one of the camera person giving me rude gestures with his mouth. He could be my son. Horrible to say, that adventure I only got paid 100 but only make a $25 profit for doing it but later I get a message asking me to come back and film in Brooklyn, I just politely turned them down due to the fact that it would put me in a whole, pay for two bridges to Brooklyn and the gas plus tolls, I would be at a loss. But I am still searching for more paid events.

miss seeing my kids and I have no way of getting in touch with them to find out how they are doing.