February 6 2014
Today is 5mths and 12 days since I lost my best friend, someone who cared and loved me unconditionally. Some days are not bad, but some days are extremley bad. I find my energy and enthusiasm for life is gone. Its hard to realize that my life has changed so much. I miss him so much everyday and every hour and every minute. I try talking to him but that is hard. I tell him Good Morning and that I love and miss him. I am not the same person without him. Not sure I will ever be the same person. So who am I now and what to do now?? Good questions-questions that I cannot answer now. I just get up go to work and exist. That's all I can do for now.
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So today is one of those blah days. The weekend is coming and what you would like to do is just curl up and sleep the weekend away. But knowing that is a bad idea because you may never want to get up. Today I am missing my hubby much (like that is something new). I still wish he was here and I could be with him. He was sick for so long and I played nurse and really was unable to be his wife. I love him so much and am missing him so much.
TIoday I go and talk to my lady (counselor). I have been going every week and it seems to help. She is the one who gave me this website and sometimes it is very helpful to know that I am not the only one feeling this emptyness and dispair. I still wish he was here for one minute to tell him how much he meant to me and how much I love him. He was so sick for so long and I became his nurse and coorinator of dr appts that I hope that I told him and let him know how much I love him and I would of continued to take care of him forever if that is what it took.
Well got a three day weekend coming up. That sucks! My step-son and daughter-in-law and grandkids were going to come down and that is not going to happen, but they did invite me down there to their house (which is in Winnemucca Nevada) I will probably stay until Sat late afternoon, but then I think \"what am I going to do with the rest of the weekend\" I used to love my weekends. I work a 40 hr a week job and two days off was great, now I just dread them. I know I\'ve talked about weekends before, but they are depressing. I will probably do what I usually do....watch TV and crochet...I dont know.
I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. I miss my husband too. I wish I could take the pain away from you. Take comfort in knowing that your love is in a good and joyfull place. Life can be beautiful for you again. Have faith and belive.