February

Well I have entered another month as my level of depression has lessened some what but I am still going through the steps of moving forward and the backwards in more steps than the forward motion. As I figured I lost Katie sending me a text message talking about being to far and about a roommate as I haven't spoken to her about but I would take it as a one night stand. AS another thing that has me concerned when I started to watch an old show called Hunter, one of the characters was telling her partner that all she does is work and no time to be herself and that is the way I am feeling. But mainly alone with no friends to hang out with. I have tried several times to get CJ to hang out with me but I realize that they are much younger than I am. It's been a long time since I have had any kind of fun being with someone but that came short lived. Dj I stopped seeing him as he was only interested in sex and not a relationship and Katie that ended before it even started. Even though I had hope something will come from it. Maybe it was for the better and may God has something else in mind for me to do. I feel like that every time I move forward something pushes me back more steps than I moved forward. I just wish that for once I could just keep moving forward. As for work the hours have increased somewhat which is good and I finally made the decision to pay off my portfolio and I am so excited but of course my phone started blowing up from Merle accusing me of being in touch with her family as somehow they accessed my Facebook Page and telling gabby that I have pictures of myself as a female which I only have one and that is a head shot and no other photos. As she informed me that they had a laugh on my behalf but instead of sending me a message they act like a bunch of cowards and say something to merle or to one of my kids. They still treat me as I am a child and merle is the mother. It still hurts that they can't come to me and state their problem to me and not to my family. I just don't know anymore but this is my life and I am doing the best I can with it every day. Back to paying off my portfolio which I feel great about it. I got all the photos that were taken of me during the shoot and now I still can't believe that the photos are me!!! 

I love these photos at of 26.. I am proud of myself that I was chosen to be part of their organization and I am going to try my hardest to achieve my goal. I will say that I didn't anticipate myself going any further. But there has been negative statements being thrown at me saying that I stole jobs from cis women but I would say that I went through the same process as any other women that attended the shoot. I AM GOING TO SEE HOW FAR THIS WILL TAKE ME. I Feel THAT THIS IS A STEP OR A HUGE STEP OF BREAKING MYSELF AWAY FROM Daniel's JOB OF WORKING IN FAST FOOD. this IS SOMETHING THAT Danielle WANTS TO DO AND I HOPE TO SUCCEED IN THIS NEW CAREER, BUT ONE THING REMAINS IN QUESTION ABOUT TELLING MY FAMILY WHAT I AM DOING THE QUESTION IS SHOULD I TELL THEM OR NOT??

I have thought things over after several days thinking about it that I must tell her just in case she sees a photo of me around town or magazines or somewhere or maybe on a tv commercial. But what is she going to say to me?? But it came at a weird time when her family had a laugh on my behalf when apparently they saw a photo of me as a female. But I really don't care what anyone thinks. I am happy for what I have done and at peace with myself. But why  can't they come to me in person to talk to about it. As I feel that they are cowards.

Every time I think about my kids I break down crying as I am surprised that my body still has tears left to come out of my eyes. I miss my kids and it is hard for me to keep from wondering what they are up as things are getting worse being told that I am forbidden to see my grandson.