Feb 11 2010

I actually did end up walking to my appointment.  It wasn't so bad...cold though.  Stopped at a friends for about 10 minutes before continuing on to my appointment.  My psychologist was pretty impressed...said that walk was worth about 3 days activity compared to how active I used to be.  Thing is, I didn't tell him how much I've been totally pigging out on junk.  I know the sugar isn't going to help things much...but right now...I figure I'm better of pigging on junk food then giving in to the other thoughts and temptations right now.  But I did tell him most things and he is concerned...but said to keep doing what I'm doing until Monday when I see my psychiatrist.  So I just gotta somehow push through until then.  I spent most of the appointment in tears and blanking out and having to get him to repeat questions.  The topic of hospitalization came up again.  I really don't want to go that route but will if I really can't keep myself safe.  So far...I don't know how I'm getting through...it's definitely not by my strength...so obviously it must be God's.  To top things off I'm getting a cold sore on my bottom lip...I almost always seem to get them when I hit a really low point...it's like some of messed up backwards reward or something.  So then I have to take these freakin horse pills (Valtrex) which I don't know why anyone in their right mind would make a pill so big.  I'm always afraid I'm going to choke to death on the stupid things.  A dose of 2 and then in 12 hours another dose of 2.  The only way I get them down is with chocolate milk...thankfully I still have chocolate syrup in the apartment.   On another note...my roommate and I have been watching through a series of movies that are really actually pretty good.  Love Comes Softly is the title of the first one and the series. We just finished #5 of 8 called Love's Unending Legacy.  We actually started with #2 in the series and I'm glad that's the order we did it...I think I would've had a harder time getting into these movies if we started with #1.  But they are pretty good..and while they deal with some hard things they keep things tasteful and real and always have feel good endings.  They're tear-jerkers too though...even on the best of days.  You'll definitely want a box of kleenex handy if you watch. Okay...so I guess I'll end on that note.  It's positive and I think I've gotten things outta my system enough for the moment.  I am thinking of taking a few days away from the computer completely but haven't made up my mind yet...I know I've been spending far less time on it then usual for me.