Feats of Strength

So, the hospital pharmacy called yesterday.  Of the five injectibles I'll be taking, two are actually covered by insurance (Yay!)  But the three that aren't total to $1400 (BOO!).  Telling the DH was scary.  He didn't get all mad and say "We can't do this" or anything, so that was good, but I'm going to have to take a second job and we've basically cut our money outflow to zero (right before the holidays too) to afford all of this.  I get so depressed.  I want to scream "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?!" especially when I see all my friends' pregnancies go by.  They don't have to go bankrupt and risking losing their homes and ruining people's Christmas and hole up and eat Top Ramen for weeks to have a kid.  It makes me sad and angry and hurt.  I feel so incredibly selfish for thinking these things, but it's hard to stay positive.  I pray every minute that one of our cars doesn't crap out on us in the next six months or the fridge, which has been persnickety and leaking for the past two weeks, doesn't need to go, or some other big expense doesn't crop up.  I'm not sure how we'll handle it.  I have to pray that we can go the distance together and not resent each other and this journey.  But it hurts.  It hurts so damn much.  It's hard to be strong.