Fears VII
Way back when I was still Manic Depressive and onward into my BiPolar years, I grew an intense awareness of "Manic Euphoria." That phrase translated easily into the first of my PTSD support groups, but seems to be meeting extreme resistance in the contemporary groups. My spider sense of ^it^ is that many of the current members of the PTSD community are actively out to *Prove* they arenae BiPolar. Each of us needs to stay true to our own healing path, but please, my friends, donae ask me to throw the baby out with the bath water. Misdiagnosis, or not, in the 70's & 80's, the BiPolar treatments are what I had to work with. My case was far to extreme to wait for the ideal product to hit the shelves. I donae see the benefit in reworking decades of therapy on my extreme case to fit the new group vernacular. My strictly personal psychotherapy doesnae belong on anybody's political agenda. Nay even my own. Politics were far from a healing force in my strictly personal healing journey. I used and still use politics as a deflection tool to *avoid* the pain of healing far more than cultural solutions. These days I more often use politics as a way to get dirty fingers out of my strictly personal wounds. Yea, yea, I salute your comprehensive insights, my liege. With my middle finger, of course.
Med Therapy was just reaching its court-enforced rigidity when I was shuffled into the PTSD rooms in the late 90's. It was still possible for me to continue using my BP resources without peeing in a cup before I was eligible to ask questions. I still miss those resources mightily. I still donae have a respectable translation for "Manic Euphoria" which willnae send the PTSD Barbies into flashback hell. Pimp Sis, the first PTSD Barbie in my life, triggered into a violent demon when I used those words in her presence. I have received similar reactions from women in the PTSD forum here. I donae care to do the research, but ^it^ seems to be a gender-specific reaction. I still havenae received the reaction from a man. But, equally, the PTSD forum here on DS is, withnae even a close second, the most female dominated support group on my own PTSD circuit. I was the only female in my earliest groups, but those were also VA sponsored. Other females have since joined the groups, but we remain a minority.
The phrase, "Manic Euphoria" is coming to mind, more and more, as I attempt to keep our little ship of fools on course as the thrill of the new house, et al, settle into business as usual. Am I still eligible to use the tools I learned during BP therapy? Is it worth the effort of finding a translation which will work in PTSD therapy? For certain, the puppets in my head are spending more energy on finding proper words for ^it^ than plying the tools which worked for me in my strictly personal herstory. Is there such a thing as a pro psychobabble translator to help untangle these confusions? It is even more mind-fucky than learning the "Child Dating" protocols which have evolved since my middle-aged cherubs were still young enough to need parental supervision. The phrase is still triggering me to kiddie whorehouse flashback hell. Do I surf the child pornography sites for a clear explanation? I certainly amnae gaining clarity from the busy parents I am rubbing shoulders with in the course of caring for my grandchildren. My psycho sense is that the child dating protocols arenae any more clear than the adult dating protocols I avoided like the plague when I was eligible for adult dating. Hubby and I never dated. We both married our best friends. Nearly all of our dating age-peers have impressive Ex-collections.
As I shift the focus to my own, strictly personal needs in this grief process, the need to pick a specialist out of the counseling smorgasbord feels critical in the search for a therapist. A grief counselor is pretty high on that list, but my complex psych herstory all too often befuddles the specialists. Still. . . The death of a son might be specialized enough to serve the immediate purpose.
Sorting. . . Again I leave the mood icon on the rapid cycling median.
Replies
I was misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder for a few years before my diagnosis was revised to PTSD, but as much as that sounds bad it actually had a good side, arfie, in that during that time the focus on being aware of moods was good for me now in general. I can see that you have that awareness, too, in being aware of manic euphoria. We were warned in my face to face support group about that, and how it can actually have some pitfalls. Hope you can find a grief counselor now who can rise to the occasion with you. My psychiatrist is ancient, an 80 year old guy who's seen it all before, so I'm lucky. It's a real treat when you find one that fits.
I still believe the diffs are not as rigid as the specialists tell us, Muji. My pro specialists seem to agree. Life is an integrated package, after all. Not even a periodontist believes the gums are separate from the teeth or jaw bone.
When my VA team asked if I wanted to declare the BP dx an official misdiagnosis I didn't see any good reason for the paperwork. I gained allot of good tools out of the Manic Depression/Bipolar therapy that I am **still** using by whatever name and at the very lest, PTSD is a malady of extremes.