Fears VI
Uncomfortable as it was/is, I do believe Hubs and I managed to get onto same sheet of music in regards to our fears and anxieties over the future of our little ship of fools. Maybe. Testing, one, two, three. . . I donae believe I can, nor wish to summarize the notes of the complex harmonies we will need to steer this ship. I firmly believe that getting too far set in details while the composition is in progress can hamper the creative process far more than apathy and neglect.
I am still sorting the yaddahs of the social blahs which have transpired between the raising of my middle aged sons and the 21st century GKs I am now raising, but I have resigned myself to upgrading the dumb phone I most often use as a pocket watch. The big, fragile smart phones are looking like basic parenting equipment these days. I hate fixing what ain't broke, but my tough and reliable old dumb phone cannae even handle emoticons, much less teacher updates, child dating opportunities, etc. The tech involved is child's play to me. Remember Hubs, I started my tech career while you were still an HS basketball star. Don't make me pull rank on you, my well-paid tech guru. Don't let the digits on the paycheck fool ya. Understanding the new social protocols attached remains mind fuckus maximus. Getting onto a social media newsfeed is far easier than understanding why in fuck's name the info there is worth pursuing. I amnae ignorant of the newest tech waves. I am ignoring them by personal design.
Buttttttttaaaaaaa. . . Whether I agree or knot, I believe it is time. I have decided to duplicate the phone Hubs is using for his Robocop work for the sake of minimizing the cross-tech hiccoughs. His company pays for his phone, so there isnae a cost advantage to that move, but I have better things to do with my organic processing capacity than research current markets. The tech upgrade is a need, nay a desire. Good luck getting me to love phones or electronic leashes of any stripe. Just doing what needs to be done. I donae park my identity in the driveway, either. It benae more than a tool to get a specific job done. I find my glamour on the bio-web.
The thought of child dating, etc., is still triggering considerable kiddie whorehouse psycho ticks for me, but now that I am actively reviewing the evolutions, I find I cannae remember the last time I saw more children than adults in any social setting or even in a suburban back yard. Apparently it is time to find the apps for that.
Does I have to? ? ? Apparently so. The things we do for love. . . Onward through the digital fog.
Yesterday's rest and recuperation was divine. Operations for the new school week feel fit and ready to roll. Zoom zoom.
Replies
Praying for you every day, arfie, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to take a break from telling you so every day here in your journal as I've been doing since your son and your daughter in law died in their wreck and you took in the grand kids. I fell at home during the night, knocked myself out, and gashed my forehead. I've been walking without a cane this year after having to use one for 8 years because of nerve damage in my legs from kidney damage I got taking Seroquel for PTSD. I lost my balance using the restroom and woke up with blood all over my face next to the toilet on the bathroom floor. It took about an hour to get the bleeding to stop and a change of bandages a couple of times during the rest of the night.
I have a routine appointment with my regular primary care doctor Wednesday, so I'll have a chance for him to look at my forehead's wound. That's good, right? Other than that, things aren't so great. I'm worried now about living alone independently, whether here in the USA or where I hope to retire in Mexico. I'm worried now about even making my trip there for a visit over Spring Break come March 8th. I was doing so well, and now not as much. Support welcome.
Prayers from you welcome for me now.
Big hug for you Arf and prayers from me as well..... I think you still see a therapist is that right??….. A therapist may be able to help you through some of the difficult milestones of growing up.....
What you went through is so horribly abnormal I have no doubt that most of us would find pain and fear in thinking about what comes next..... Another hug ….xo
No, I am not in formal therapy any more. Jan. I still participate in workshops but my VA psych team released me to "Therapy Self-Maintenance" in 2k. Hubs and I have sorely neglect our own self-care for the sake of stabilizing the general gees of this tragic chaos. Hubs remains therapy resistant and that is his to sort. I know better than to wait for my chronically busy man to find time for such nonsense.
Thank you for the reminder to call in the pro teams for my own sake. Not much VA support is available in this neighborhood, but that is far from the only resource available. I believe it is past due. To quote the much quoted flight attendants quoted in therapy groups, "Ply own gas mask before attempting to help others."